September 15, 2016

July 27th, 2016 - Puy de Dôme

For my first two months in France, I only had French classes and workshops, starts from 08.45 am to 03.30 pm and we had a lot free time after school. Luckily, our language centre/alliance francaise already organized several activities each day - you might have castle excursions, city visits, games and sport stuff too. I swear, I couldn't help myself to join those activities, but they aren't free - we have to pay fees that include the transportation and entrance tickets - but if you come with scholarship, you'll get some excursions coupons, thus you can choose activities that you want to go for free.

One of my favourite and most unforgettable activities that I'd subscribed to was hiking at Puy de Dôme, the highest lava dome from where you can see all of Chaîne de Puys - chains of lava domes, volcanic mountains.

We went there straight after our atelier, there were two buses from cavilam and there was only 5 of us Malaysians who joined it. Frankly speaking, before arriving there, I was imagining that the hiking session wouldn't be so difficult like hiking Broga Hill in Malaysia but heck no, it was hard. The path is inclined and flat lands last only for 5 - 10 metres.

Took this on our way there, from the bus
I teamed up with Alanna and a Colombian girl cum my workshop mate, Juliana during the hiking, we weren't mentally and physically prepared for it, so we stopped at almost every single checkpoint we found - I remember that Alanna and I kept on asking, 'Still far?' and we were totally out of breath right after 10 mins hiking. No stamina at all, all of them were dedicated for food processing hahaha I ate a lot well, since there's so many good food to try :P

Start the climb!

View from the first stop
To arrive the peak of the Puy de Dôme, it usually takes about 45 mins *according to the guide*, well well well, we took approximately 55-60 mins to arrive. We were slowed down by the view! How can you resist taking photos or appreciating the magnificent paysage - they're incredible beautiful. Like at different height and side of the mountain, you'll see different side of Auvergne. The boys had good time taking photos as they were like climbing here and there and it was a bit dangerous, so we didn't want to take any risk lol.

If you can see clearly, at the edge of the cliff - my friends were there taking photos

Once we'd arrived at the peak, whoa I was so so relieved and feeling like a champion, aha! I mean like when I turned around, mannn did I just climbed all the path just to get here? I can't believe myself - I finally did it! So we took a little break, we bought waffles and drinks and just enjoyed the view. There were people doing paragliding - I was this close to join it but unfortunately, I didn't have enough cash with me, so maybe next time yeah?

Made itt!

It's a reservoir back there, and a kiosk

The view from the viewing deck

We walked over the gate of no entry to this path, well YOLO!

After an hour of break at the peak, we started going down as we needed to be back at cavilam at 08.30pm. Going down was much more fun than going up and it is more dangerous as well - thank god we weren't injured at all  during the hiking session.

On our way back, we sat at the back of the bus with a spanish group and they were like singing randomly to Spanish songs and there was one of them suggesting that we picked a song that everyone can sing - we started off with I'm Yours and Thousand Miles. We made Alanna sing and we did a malay song for the spanish. It was a nice time, after a tiring activity, you can still enjoy yourself!

This is actually not my first time hiking in France, it's my second as I was at Grenoble a week before, and we went to La Sassenage, it was tiring as well but not so difficult like climbing Puy de Dôme. Anyhow, it was worth it.

p/s: totally missing the nature! Mountains are nowhere to be found in the city :(

September 07, 2016

Vichy me manque

Yeap peeps, you read it right. I'm no longer in Vichy (the previous city in north east of France), I've moved in to Antibes - a city near to Nice, located in the Côte d'Azur region and for the time being, I'm still trying to find something that can please me in this new place.

I can tell that I'm so attached to Vichy - it was my first city in France, I've met bunch of wonderful people there and it witnessed every single thing that was first time to me and the fact that Vichy is a small city - historical yet beautiful and it is surrounded with nature.

I know I shouldn't be comparing these two different cities though, but I can't help it! Of course they differ a lot - specially one is in the north and the other one is in the south. People from these two parts of France are totally not sharing the same values.

Frankly speaking, what I'm gonna write here is exactly from my personal observation, what I've experienced myself, so bear in mind that I would probably be freaking biased. Obviously, you would be a lot more inclined to things that you love/like.

I've been in Vichy for 2 months, living in a famille d'accueil or a foster family as it was a part of our bridging programme in France before starting our degree. I honestly tell you that they are super warm people! My first week was a disaster because I hardly could memorise directions - I got lost most of the time if I went out alone and well, Vichysois (the people of the Vichy) they are so kind, before you could go ask someone for the direction, there will be people approaching you asking whether you're okay or not.
Centre ville

They're so freaking friendly and I am talking about strangers on the road - no matter where you are in the city, when you bump into someone else, they will always say 'Bonjour mademoiselle! Ca va?'


In my case, people easily recognize me as a muslim, so you would have those random people giving you salaam and starting to talk in arabic. Most of the time, they think that muslims can speak and understand arabic. In fact, when we (Malaysians) told them that we can read and write arabic alphabets but not to understand it, they would be quite surprised  as for them, the french-arabs, they are most likely to understand and speak arabic but not being able to write and read it.

In front of my university Pole Universite Albert-Londres, there's this one big big park which was constructed by Napoleon III in between the years of the world wars as Vichy was the place for him to relax after dealing with guerre (war). The park is super beautiful and there hadn't been a day passed without me going there, lepaking under the tree. Even when it was so so hot, it was summer and there were like 3 times we had canicule, I would still go there, just to lay down and play games with my friends.

At our fav spot during Eid

Pont de Bellerive

In front of CAVILAM - Pole universite Albert Londres
Next to Pole Universite, we have Sources des Celestins - natural thermal water source which Vichy is known for. There are several beauty products that used these thermal water sources, I remember there are 5 sources located in the Hall de sources but the very famous one is the celestins. What I want to talk about is the landscape of the city, the architecture, the historical buildings and the history of the city itself - these are the things that made me fall in love with Vichy. I would say it is a city for people who want to have a laid back lifestyle, enjoying the little bit of their with nature, of not having to rush all the time. I mean, I was so so so relaxed back then in Vichy and you can get to anywhere just by walking and the good thing I adore about the Vichysois, pedestrians have the priority. If you want to cross the road, drivers would stop and give you way, so polite!

Interior of sources des celestins
I fall in love with France because of Vichy and the people I met there, especially the ones from CAVILAM, alliance francaise. I've been friends to people from all across the globe and they are so amazing! I've never imagined I would be meeting North Koreans, Brazilians, Colombians, Peruvians, Paraguayans etc. THEY'RE SO COOL! Well, to get to know their cultures is another different story, things you thought it was right  about this one particular country would be so wrong. One thing I could say, these people couldn't get to guess my age, aha! I was like years younger, lol! I did the vice versa - I always think that they're older than their age, those sixteen years old girls are totally don't look like one... How can I guess?

If you guys were to find a place to improve your french or to just hang out for few days trying out things that are not in trend nowadays, don't hesitate to go for Vichy and Cavilam. You won't regret it, I swear.

Wait, I did have a regret. Leaving the city is my biggest regret for the time being. But I am pretty sure that I will be back there.

 I'm trying to find some time to publish the posts of my visits in Auvergne, my favourite ones! Till then peeps!

p/s: I started my first day of degree classes today! :)

July 25, 2016

25 days

Peace be upon all :)

I told myself that I wanted to write something after a month being in here, but it's okay - 25 days are long enough for me to be impressed with this country and every single thing that comes with it.

and how much I am missing my home.

Alhamdullilah, we departed from Malaysia on 30th June, suprisingly our flight was in the morning so we were a bit rushing. Everything was smooth, what made me so happy was during my departure, I have my friends coming to the airport and my family was there too. It wasn't that easy to leave your family behind though, I swear it was so hard trying to not to cry when hugging my mum, dad, siblings, nephew and nieces, my friends - I almost cry but phew, I managed to tahan from bursting out.

Waiting forboarding

Missing three of us here, but this is more than enough :)

Upon arrival at Charles De Gaulle Airport (CDG), Paris
Outside of the airport

I still can't believe it that I made it, I have my own departure day. When I was 10 years old, it was me who would go to the airport to send off my siblings, like every single year each of them departed to further their studies and 10 years later, it's my turn!

I'm bit occupied with activities and classes in here, will totally try to find time to write about my current city, places I've been and of course about CAVILAM, my current university ;)

Love from Vichy, France.

June 22, 2016

Preparing to leave

Howdy people? Half month fasting and hopefully all of us are still doing good ;)

I'm having mixed feelings of course, it is less than 2 weeks left in Malaysia! I tell you, I'm way too amazed with time, of how it moved too fast. As I could remember I still was on the mode of 'two months to take a pill chill' and now, I am the mode of getting all stuff into the lugagges. (it's really annoying when for every single addition item, you can't just help but to worry about exceeding the kilos).

The preparation for now is great, I mean yeah I've got to do the shopping like really a lot - spices, clothes, bags, souvenirs, bla bla bla you know really that the list will go on and on. The shopping part wasn't that bad and I would say it went really well, except for the fact that we haven't received our scholarship money yet - so it's a bit nerve wrecking, so I found a quick solution - borrowed my parent's money first because if I were to wait for the money, possibly I'll be rushing at the very last minute. and it's not a good thing, I know. Since, I am the one who did all the shopping alone, hohoho I got to choose what I want and what I like and I just figured out that I am a really hard, choosy person! I even feel giving up with myself for being so complicated. Choosing lugagges was the hard one, we went to more than 5 stores and still, I couldn't pick one. I kept on telling myself, "just choose one, it wouldn't be so bad to have some pink shades on your stuff or nah, this design would be perfectly fine, it's just you who don't feel that." But I couldn't avoid it :( I would always always and always pick something that is in my favourite colour range, my kinda style, it should be durable, not to bright and I have to feel connected with it when I first saw it (this is the most important one).

Apart from all of these shopping parts, I am currently in the process to accept the fact that Malaysian foods will no longer be available all the time. I know I have taken those foods for granted but, this 2 months break - I am using it well hahaha I have like a long list of what I feel like eating, and yeah I ate a lot. My goal to lose some weight seems to be forgotten (LOL) during this year's ramadhan.

I'm still packing and I still don't have everything that is necessary but there's no more space in the bag.

I'll get back anytime soon! Perhaps the next post would be written from France ;)

p/s: we got our flight details already and you know what, kebaya is such love :3

June 06, 2016

I hate airports

Peace be upon all, guess where am I now? I'm back in town after three weeks spent in the city for some important meetings regarding visa and all.

It feels so so so great to be back, I mean especially when you only have less than one month left to enjoy all things that only your homeland can offer to you. I tell you, I'm still trying to brain everything about departing to France - everything seems to be so fast now! Like a few months ago, I was still struggling for my fourth semester, the interviews, the graduation day and all of sudden, here I am, done with the visa, I am already accepted to a university (currently dealing with the residence) and just waiting for my flight. When you put something in time context, a month, a week, a year - it surely sounds a long time to wait but when you're almost at the end of it, then you'll realize how fast it has passed.

Talking about getting back to home, I usually - well, most of the time, would take the flight. I've only been on bus for once and it was for the Eid, my biggest mistake ever! You should never take a bus or go back by car during festive season because it took more than 16 hours to arrive home! The traffic was super duper slow and there were too many cars on the road and Kelantan would be so packed. During Hari Raya, you'll get to see lah traffic jam in front of my house. Seriously, it would never happen on normal days, plus it is just a small village that no one knows pun. Comment les gents peuvent trouver cette petite ville?

So, airplanes would solve this problem. an 8 hours journey can simply be shortened to one hour and you can just sit back and relax when flying! But, majority would assume that taking flights are so expensive and only affordable by certain group of people. Woah, of course not - it can be way more cheaper than taking the buses. As I could remember I've never had booked a flight more than one more bucks, even lower than that. I am a bit choosy, nationalistic to be exact, I would prefer Malaysia Airlines over other airlines. People think national air carrier usually are the most exclusive and expensive one, no you just need to play tricks. Book your tickets really early, avoid flying on weekends - that's it.

I couldn't deny airport is my favourite place ever! You'll get to see things you usually don't, meeting people you never thought of meeting, talking to strangers, you know - all those kind of stuffs. I really love the atmosphere, the airplanes, the crews, it is just full of peace.

I can't resist window seats!

but, but, buuuuut, I still hate it too for some personal reasons lol, I'll just make list down below on why I hate being at the airport.

1) Trolley
For this particular item, I hate it so much! Especially when I have to take it by myself. I never get it why it is not pulling apart from the row no matter how hard I've been pulling it. I swear, I always embarrass myself in the public just to pull one trolley. I hate you baggage trolley, you guys are so freaking annoying...

2) Getting there alone
I don't mind being in the airport alone but when it comes to the time when you're needing the toilet and prayer time - who's gonna look after the luggages? You literally have to bring all of them everywhere. Kalau tengah solat tu, you just have to tawakal all the way hoping no one wouldn't steal your bags.

3) Flashbacks
Having flashbacks can be so nice at times but for some reasons, especially at the airport, you just can't avoid it. The memories will keep coming even at times when you don't need them the most.

4) Purpose
The purpose of people get to airports will be only two; either arriving or departing, people come or people leave. I really don't like going to airport to send someone off, it would so full of emotions no matter who is it. I fear of losing someone, it's not like they walk awaya or what but I fear of having them to come back lifeless. You can never expect what gonna happen once they hop on the planes, you don't sign for a guarantee over someone's life.

I know I'm overthinking huhuhu can't avoid it :( But anyhow, I really enjoyed my last domestic flight for this (probably last one). Since, I knew that I'll be away from this beloved land for a while, I really really appreciate the flight. Everything. The view, the snacks, the time I had at the airport alone and I didn't even feel like sleeping at all. That one hour flight from Kuala Lumpur, passing above Putrajaya and you can see the big buildings become miniatures at your sight, it was indeed the best feeling ever, that was when I really know I am totally in love with this land of mine. When the plane lowered down, we were flying just above Kelantan - God, this land shall be missed more than any other places I've been to!
Can't caption 'balik kampung' cus I was literally from my kampung (selangor)

View from my window, Kelantan was just down below!
 Oh yeah, before I forgot, Ramadhan Kareem to everyone! Alhamdulillah we're finally here once again, it's my favourite month :D I'm spending this year's ramadhan at home with my family, this means so much because I won't be around to celebrate Eid. It's pretty sad because we'll be leaving just a few days before ramadhan ends. But, as long as I get to perform taraweeh in kelantan, going to bazaar and get all the ramadhan vibes here, these would be just fine and enough.

I wish you guys a blessed ramadhan no matter where you are, how long you are fasting - remember this holy month is the best time to reflect on ourselves and fix our relation with the One :) Set your ramadhan goals, be it to khatam the quran, to recite dzikr more, to perform taraweeh every night, to qiam - what ever your goals are, discipline is what you need to achieve your goals. Those goals will become your routine in no time, inshaAllah!

Once again, have a happy ramadhan ;)

May 25, 2016

Turning 20 and first challenge

I got my friends asking me why they couldn't find me on twitter and I told them I've deactivated my account.

I don't know why but I am not enjoying being 20 for now. I've a lot of things happening and they're making me feel so devastated, hopeless and blank.

Let's make long story short, I got my university admission results a week ago and I wasn't accepted by my first choice university. When I got to know that, honestly speaking, I was not sad at all and instead I felt so relieved (I don't lie, trust me.). Only 4 of us managed to make it as the university or what we call them in French, Grande École, prestigious higher education institute has a admission quota for Malaysian which is 4 persons. So, I must say that my friends who got there totally deserved the places.

and me on the other hand, I have to change my course. I won't be doing Political Science anymore, I have to completely change my current future projects in a split second. I was then left with two more possibilities of pursuing my studies in Economics or Business Management. A few days ago, our professors released the results for another two grandes écoles and I got the one that I did not expect to get at all.

I had breakdown for days. I've never been in that kind of situation, a happy go lucky, outgoing me suddenly turned to be a passive me. I couldn't talk to anyone, I avoided everyone, I skipped my meals.

Don't you say that it's just a small problem, "why would you stress yourself over it?"

How would you feel when your detailed life plan has to be changed and you have to execute the new one in less than one month, alone without visible support? How can you possibly forget your passion in a short time?

I took freaking 2 years to completely get out of my childhood dream to take engineering and slowly convinced myself that I am in this new field, that is totally contrary to what I ever wanted. Now, when I've finally found my ground in political science, once again I am not meant to take it and I have to to something that I despise a lot and it will be what my degree and master about.

I swear I know and aware that I don't get to decide what I want. I know but He actually knows the best for me. But to go through once again all those stuggles, it's not easy. You may see me laughing and smiling in the pictures with my friends or when I was texting anyone, I didn't even sound like I was struggling. No silly, you don't show your dark side to people. Of course you don't want to influence anyone else with your negative vibes that attacking you.

I know I can't blame anyone as it is what I've been uttering in my prayers everyday.
"If a matter is good for every aspect in my life, present and hereafter, bring me closer to it and bring it closer to me. But if a matter is bad for every aspect of mt life, present and hereafter, avoid me from it and avoid it from me."

I hope that I will unfold the answers sooner. I'm in a tough phase and everything seems to be difficult for me now. Really, I couldn't even describe how I feel.

Note to myself, always always always be thankful for whatever it is. God's testing you, He will never let one down.

May 20, 2016

What's so good about all girls' school

Peace be upon you all amazing creatures who are wasting their time on this space.

I love you dearly 
Alright, so recently - about two days ago, I went to my old high school to join the Teacher's Day celebration and also to meet my teachers and juniors before leaving, well basically this is one of the must do things on the list of a Zainabian. The celebration was awesome, I must say the kids have improved a lot, in terms of their managerial skills, communication skills, decorations, techs, everything!

It has been like 2 years since I left the school and I couldn't lie those five years I spent there were the best years in my life. I never regret going there, well at the first place - I did. I'd tried my best to get out of the school just because I felt inferior due to the fact that I was the only daughter in my family who didn't get to enter islamic school. But, I did get the chance to learn the same thing like my other sisters; I learned Arabic and other subjects too. So, it was basically not a loss for me being in this school.

All of my sisters and I, we went to all girls' schools. When I got the offer, I was trying to figure out how am I gonna survive in this school because back then what I knew about going to all girls' school would be only about bad things - lesbians, bullies, etc...
Because of these negative impressions I had always opposed the idea of staying in the dormitory. Well, my father wasn't available for all the time throughout the schooling days, he couldn't drop me off at school every day even though, it wasn't that far, 15 - 20 mins by car and it is in the center of the city so sometimes we have to bear with the slow traffic in the morning and late in the evening.

Eventually, I no longer have these denials. I am totally grateful that I went to that school because I didn't expect that I would enjoy it so much and even if there are kids out there ask me is it worth going to an all girls' school, YES IT IS! Without any doubt, you can never enjoy the life you've had in this type of school somewhere else.

So, what's so good about being in an all girls' school?

1) It's all about being free
You will never have to worry about getting nasty glances from the opposite gender because they simply just don't exist! I would say that I didn't even have to stupidly act like a wanita melayu terakhir at school; I mean you can do whatever you want. Sports? Come on, run as fast as you want, jump as much as you want, no one would catcall, mock or make fun of you and the most important thing is that you won't be feeling insecure at all. We all girls, nothing to be ashamed of.

2) Monthly off - it's normal
Everyone understands PMS and all those girly stuff, we all have them on monthly basis - mood swings, cramps, vomits, back pain, cravings etc... If you're having leakage during your first days and super critical cramps, your friends are there to help and eventually you can just sleep in class. In my school, in each class we have this one reading area, we have pillows, carpet or mats to sit or lay down. So basically during teachers transition, we would take a nap together at the back of class  (this is super helpful during ramadhan). Teachers understand this issue very well, so the school actually provides extra uniforms and you can just find all important items in the school mart or get it free from the counsellor. But, sick bays are always occupied - every day. You hardly can get a bed there.

The majority in my school are muslims and we have this 20 mins before school ends to perform Dhuhr prayer together. I've been to this one camp and my groupmate (a guy whom I guess had no common sense at all) asked me whether did I go to the masjid or not for dawn prayer and bad luck for me because I was on my break and I literally had to lie to him. Here, boys, you take note; don't don't don't ask a girl that you barely know these kind of questions "Can you pray?" "Are you fasting?" or something that relates to that - we are not comfortable to tell you the truth if we are on our monthly off. It's something personal. So, get your common senses together and shut it up.

Back at the topic, ramadhan is all about fasting but when Allah says "Dear girl, it's time for you to rest." In all girls' school, we would know who is fasting or not and we actually bring foods to be shared with each other LOL. We would eat quietly during recess - we know how to respect others too, okay.

3) No love drama
This one is the thing that I am so so grateful for being in an all girls' school. All these love love thingy is totally haraam sister in the school! Of course, you only have girls all around you, guys? Only those uncles working at the canteen, maintenance guys, dentists and doctors once in a while and visitors. I was staying in dormitory and I didn't join any tuition classes so basically, my world revolved at the same place, with same people. I can tell you that I don't befriend with guys during the 5 years of high school because I was too over powered with the idea of hating guys and thinking that they were immature. I did join several seminars and competitions that require me to work among the guys - I did it professionally, when the thing ends, everything will end too.

There are also those students who don't stay in dormitory so they go to tuition classes and get to meet with other students, boys and girls. I would say that is one of the way how they become friends? I don't know.

Frankly, you can say my high school life is a bit boring hahaha I know. I had little interaction with outside people and there's no episode of me having crushes on boys - I enjoyed it anyway. You don't need those lovey dovey part to make your school days memorable. I am stress-free (from this stupid thing, not from exams), I don't have to worry about getting jealous over a girl liking my guy or whatever. I spent my time studying and had fun with my girls.

4) Your family knows all your friends
I think this is just same with other schools too. But it is kinda different for me because my parents would actually know my friends and also their parents too. It is kinda good for the sake of your own safety, right? One of the ways to contact me back then was through phone via the landline, social media and thru whatsapp. The funny thing which only my girlfriends knew is that I used my mom's whatsapp to text my friends, I didn't have my personal whatsapp account because I was using basic phone and I just don't really text people. I found it really awkward when I go to camp, seminars, competitions and people were asking for my whatsapp number, there was only one thing in my mind - How the heck am I gonna give it to you? It's my mother's number! But these people hardly understand it, when I gave them my personal number - which I used to contact my family and close friends only (now, nope lol.) they would be like, "oh you don't have whatsapp?". Super-duper awkward.

Well, because of I only befriend with girls, my parents didn't have to worry a lot. They just basically monitor me through my friends and everything was just fine. I didn't think it was an extreme control, not over protecting, it was fine for me.

I guess I have been a bit out of the context up there, but who cares :) There's a lot of good things you can benefit by attending an all girls' school, I didn't mention all though. I would say the most important thing is discovering myself and building my character. I mean, girl is the most complicated creature to understand in this world and living as a girl together with other girls for five years really had taught me about knowing myself. I handle well my emotions now, I understand other girls more because we are already complicated and then, we exist in so many different types. It helps me to deal with friends in college life, a lot actually. So, I knew it would waste my time to deal with someone who is not in the mood, just let her be.

I learned a lot of things too besides those academic subjects, dancing, cooking, sewing bla bla bla. It wasn't that easy when learning it at first, but you'll just enjoy it in no time. I enjoyed dancing so much back then but sigh, now in co-ed; it seems to be limited and not favorable by some people.

What I like the most in girls' school is when we have events like celebrations of eid, teacher's day, achievement, sports day, dinner and luncheon -whoa you can't recognize these kids anymore. I mean annual dinner and luncheon are the most awaited events each year,the students would dress up like Grammy's and the perfomances are just awesome. You lose your voice whenever there's a celebration; you'll cheer, shout and scream as loud as you can for the performances, your friends and your house. We don't have cheerleaders but we won't stay there doing nothing lol there will always be a bunch of kids dancing and cheering all the time.

Me? I cheered too, the loudest I cannnnn :D

That's basically what I can say about my experience as an all girls' school student. I'd lost nothing actually, well for some part - yes I was a bit left behind but there's a plenty of time for you to catch up and make it up.

Shout out to my girl friends who are the best companions I've ever had, to my school lol for witnessing a part of my growing up phase, every single memory will never be forgotten :)

Honestly speaking, I can never be more proud as a Zainabian.

Till then.

May 12, 2016

Giving it back

Peace be upon you :)

Today, I was randomly reading articles from the internet and I stumbled upon this one topic about giving and receiving. It made me think on how this two words rhyme together but they actually are two different actions that compliment each other.

But does that mean these actions will both happen to the giver and receiver? - I mean the one who gives will he or she receive from the person that gets his/her gift and vice versa. I don't believe so :)

I think all of us must have received a gift at least once in our lifetime and do you still remember the excitement and how happy you are when you have it your hands? It totally boosts up your mood and eventually you'll mark that day as one of the best day ever in your journal entry and somehow for me, when this thing happens - I would be telling myself that this person should be getting something from me to make it fair for him or her.

If I don't even prepare a return gift to the person, does it mean I am not being fair? Actually, for me in giving and receiving, there is no such thing like being fair. Why? Let's get back to when we first decide that 'Oh! I should be  am getting this fella a gift.' did anyone tell you that it is a must to do it? No, it is a choice. Indeed, our very own choice. So, at this moment we are well aware that we might not be getting back what we give from that particular person, it doesn't ricochet in that manner for some groups of people.

Like me, myself that I barely know (I'm still figuring out, lol does that even make sense?), I hardly give people stuff like present or gift whatever it is that needs me to choose the item by myself for the reason that I am afraid I might be getting wrong gift. But, there are exceptions too. I do get people stuff, I do this 'give and receive' ritual. I personally believe that this kind of attitude of giving was cultured from the years of I've been receiving gifts. For 20 years of living, I've spent 19 years of getting cakes and gifts for whatever achievements I got and for birthdays etc. I still remember vividly the feeling when someone give me something, it really makes my day.

So then I think, I've been experiencing the joy of being the receiver for years, why not this time I share and spread the same feeling to other people, preferably my favourite ones. I am so blessed that I am surrounded with people that never stop to encourage me. Besides my family, I have this one group of friends who would constantly ask me about my studies, my exams, my day - basically everything! As I could remember I have never gone to sit for my exams without getting any good luck wishes from these people. You would say that they are just wishes, nothing more. But to me, wishes are more than that, it is like you know there are people who are counting on you, believe in you so much and you cannot crush them with another failure. So these wishes that I received from my mates, I give them back, some to the ones who gave them first and some to the people that I think they might need it.

There was once, I was wishing my good friend good luck for the upcoming exam (if I'm not mistaken) and my other friend who apparently saw my messages told me:-

"why would you wish that person when you already know he wouldn't even care to send you a good luck text when it comes to your turn having exams and stuff? Don't you think you've wasted your time?"

I did believe in her for a while hahaha well, I did expect the same thing to happen but as what I said earlier, what you give might not return to you in the same circle. The circle may break, the gift flows to another person and it probably won't be you. Same thing will happen to us, we might be getting wishes and gifts from unexpected people. Like when I have this university interview, I was hoping for some people to wish me but I haved other people that I barely talked to, suddenly came out of nowhere and wished me good luck. It made my day too even they are not the people I hoped for.

Gifts can be for remembrance, as gratitude, as forgive me-kit, they can be anything :) so, we don't randomly give things to people. They might be someone who is really significant to us. You give according to how you placed this one person in your life and for other individual, each person is placed differently in their lives. That what makes us tend to appreciate people more, it is based on how we value someone. You might be my favourite person but for you, I might be just a common friend like your any other friends.

Don't be sad when things just don't happen the way you want them to be. Circles may break. Afterall, did you notice that, we are never being forced to give, we voluntarily give. It is one act out of love :) when you love, you don't get to decide who it will be - it just happens.

Have you heard of this one quote?

"What a child doesn't receive he can seldom give later."
 -P.D James

 Afterall, it wouldn't harm you to give once for a while, isn't it? Good night :)

January 13, 2016

Reviewing life (rofl)

Hey there, peace be upon you.

Currently I am supposed to update my CV and motivational letters and those stuffs concerning the university applications but I am so not in the mood of doing it, a lot of changes need to be done and yet I haven't gotten my lecturers to proofread the documents. Anyway, late night thoughts are quite rare for me to have it, so I somehow want to make a post about it.

And whatever it is, *you may guess* it will always be about tomorrow (fast-forward to end of June). This year will be the biggest year; I'm turning 20, the departure (inshaAllah), interviews, travelling etc etc the list will go on and on and on and pretty endless.

A bit scary, yeah I know.

Each of us, we have our own future projects. A very organized, clear and precised plans. When my friends talk about these things, I realized something about them, about us. They're not like usual kids at our age, they're matured, they have plans and they totally know how to get to the end and so freaking professional. I am amazed by them and so grateful to get to know them, I must say that they have a big role in shaping me too lol the way I think now is totally influenced by my classmates and of course, the lecturers too. I never really care to think about world politics before, or even to talk about history randomly during lunch or analysing actions of the leaders - but now, it becomes something normal to be talked about. I would say if you're not up to these topics and fields, you don't really want to hangout with me and my fellow friends. Well, we do not talk politics, economics or history all the times! We do know how to socialize, my classmates play Dota, they spend hours playing videos games and the girls, we watched those ridiculous malay dramas and we do get updated about our favourite artists too. We are absolutely normal. I have a few friends saying that we don't have a life, every day is reading day, doing presentations bla bla bla bla

We read, yes everyday but we are not studying. We are learning.

This new semester is quite free for my class, we don't even have classes at 8 a.m. as all classes start at 10 a.m.or 12 noon and there's only 4 days of classes a week, weekend starts on Friday. We got two days, class finishes at 9 almost 10 p.m. but that's okay for us. Economics and business are fun subjects so we have no problem with night classes. Tiring a bit but our schedule is the most heaven compared to other engineer classes:D

In my class, precisely my group: our lecturers are all male lecturers and I tell you what, some of them are good looking. I mean, at least you'll have eye candy for the very last semester hahahahahaha they're intelligent too and I don't know how to describe them. You have to attend their classes! *This case doesn't apply to everyone*

I have a semester reading - we have to finish a book on mass media by March and submit an analysis of the book. Apparently, the book is really thick and the professor provides us with the PDF copy of it and for person like me; who can't handle reading something on screens - I might be having tough times to digest the content of the book and this will makeme struggle to write the analysis. So, we decided to get a hard copy of the book and start reading it straight away, well at least we can write something on the pages- it helps for better understanding and grasping the ideas.

For this whole semester, we have a lot of research to do which means a lot of readings to be done. Every week we have like two - three documents to read and analyse, prepare questions and spend like an hour listening to friends' presentations, taking notes and everything. The topics are a bit tough now, it is no longer fun topics as we talk more on ethinicity, religion issues, wars, the immigrants and things like that. The worst part is we have to prepare 7 news of the selected regions for a press review, one person will be reviewing each week so none of us can escape actually. So everyweek we have to search for current issues and analyse, comment them and be killed by the questions.

It sounds so hard but I think if you're positive and manage your time well, you'll be more than okay :)

That's all for now, merci beaucoup tout le monde et bonne nuit :*

p/s: I am toatally dead today cus I forgot to bring my assignment  during the discussion today but my lecturer is a nice guy, so I survived!

January 01, 2016

Long story short, 2015 the sickest year

Assalamualaikum my dearest readerssss :D lol (as if there's someone reading this)

Just few more minutes to start another year, the year I anticipated a lot since I was 13 years old cus well, 20 sounds so professional, the age of maturity and "adult". I don't know why but I've always thought that those people in their 20s especially the fresh 20 year-old folks are starting a new phase of life. So, all I can say that I regard my 20th year is one of the important years in my life.

Talking about 2015, phew what a year you've been! Full of surprises, unexpected things and lot of sickness lol. Everything was too fast, I couldn't even jot down everything that happened throughout this year. Looking back at my journal, there are like 10 pages only I've used for 2015. One entry per month. Totally different because for the previous years, my journals were quite full of entries, I even have two, three entries a day. Maybe I was a little bit free back in those years. So while I still have good memories of what had happened in 2015, let's just summarize 'em up!

First and foremost, it would always be about my studies wooohoooo, Alhamdulillah I finished my third semester last November. I would say that this year is full of test especially language tests. I've sat for DELF B1 and aww yissss, I am a certified B1 French user. It wasn't easy actually because I didn't really pay attention to my French... So I struggled a bit during the test but Alhamdulillah I passed and that is the last official French test in our preparation program.

Second test is of course IELTS. We're required to take this test (usually those who are going to France and Germany don't need to take English proficiency test) because we will be enrolled (insyaAllah) to private universities which most of the subjects will be taught in English, so it is just like in the UK and Australia. taking Ielts wasn't really a good episode actually because I had to take twice just because ScPo(the university that I aim to go) increased the band and minimum requirement for each section. The test was held in one day, three sections were held continuously for three hours and the speaking test was in the afternoon. Unfortunately, I wasn't sleeping well the night before the test day and I thought I would just be fine during the test but nah.

I was so freaking sleepy throughout the test and yeah 100% focus is very important but I was already exhausted so yeah I screwed up. The result wasn't really bad actually but I have to re-sit to get a higher band.

To re-sit the test wasn't free and the fee is quite high but I still have some savings and managed to cover it. I received (It's already 2016 when I wrote this) the results a few days ago, Alhamdulillah I scored higher than I expect. I couldn't believe it at first, I even refreshed the page few times lol but I am done with it.

2015 was a year full of interviews too. I mean mock interviews which really had taught me how to deal with the real interview. As we've been informed ScPo interview will be quite tough so I was quite worried and nervous the night before the MOCK interview, you won't believe me that I actually caught a fever as I was too scared and sobbing over the phone, talking to my parents. But the interview went quite okay for me, the  feedbacks were nice even though I did embarrass myself in the interview hahahaha well let's just don't talk about it lol

Talking about getting sick in 2015, it was a never-ending issue for three months continuously. August, September and October - should be the sickest months ever in my life. I've been in and out of hospitals and clinics for these three months. Actually, getting fever isn't really a new thing for me, I get it every time I have tests, interviews or whatever that makes me feel nervous or scared.

But in August, the fever was quite different and longer than before, I was on and off of fever for three weeks and then later I discovered I had photophobia as I noticed that I couldn't bear looking at something bright for more than 10 seconds, I always looked like crying and eyes were red all the time. So at that moment, I wasn't aware of the fever that I had because I really thought it was my exam fever but when my eyes condition got worse, I went to clinic for a check-up and aha got suspected for dengue fever. They took my blood but the to check the blood content wasn't working at that time so, I really thought I was okay. A week after that, I got rashes and the fever was quite bad so I went to hospital at 10 pm with a friend. That was the worst experience ever, lepas ambil darah bagai, I spent 2 hours waiting to see the doctor and another 2 hours for the blood result. Around 2 am, I got called and darah kena ambil lagi for kidney and liver tests, I didn't know what was my platelets reading but I was admitted to the ward.

My first time being admitted. Ya Allah, when they insert the IV tube, sakit tu tak payah cakap lah. My friend went back to MFI cus it was really late and she got class tomorrow morning. Dah la first time kena admit, kena tinggal sorang sorang, barang tak bawak - I only had my purse and phone - credit tak ada, tak subscribe data, memang totally out of connection. Menangis juga lah dalam ward tu, mana tak nya. I think my condition was quite bad, three bags of IV drip and doctors came for blood taking every one hour. Tangan kanan memang lebam dengan bekas jarum ambil darah. The enxt morning, the nurse told me that I have to stay for maybe one more day but I insisted to go back home, so they let me out but had several follow up. Pagi lepas subuh tu baru tahu I had dengue fever so Igot scolded by the doctor sebab lambat pergi hospital.

That was my second time getting dengue fever, the first one wasn't really bad compared to this one. Well Alhamdulillah, I recovered :)

and I thought my sakit sakit season would end there but not at all. I still had fever for quite a long time and there you go, my first time fainting. To summarize - fever, dehydration cus I was fasting on that day (forgot to sahur and lambat buka puasa sebab ada kelas sampai pukul 9 pm) and hypotension - everything was black and white and the world was spiralling, I thought it wasn't serious so went to surau for Isyak. Duduk then when I opened my eyes dah selamat terbaring, orang tengah kipas kipas dah. Fainted and yeah to hospital we gooo. Dapatlah loads of medicines and wasn't allowed to fast in three months time. As usual, got back at 4 am and cried. Sakit sakit season continued for severe coughing thanks to haze, I got lung infection in October, went to hospital again. Yang ini memang I cried so bad because getting sick was very tiring and I couldn't do many things, I lost my motivations and all I could say, it was a very tough time. Throughout 2015, I had a total of 16 days of absence - all supported with MCs. WHAT A RECORD!

ward registration
Beds were all occupied, 'drinking' like a boss while waiting for my bed
 Lepas tu dah sihat Alhamdulillah ;)

Take note about your health, jangan main main. Eat healthy and do some physical activities. Don't be like me.

But during the finals, for the first time in my life - I didn't get sick! Not even flu or fever :D It was an achievement for me hahaha hopefully this will stay forever.

Enough with this sakit sakit drama.

I really don't want any of it to happen again but I realized that I actually learned a lot from my experiences in 2015. I got to know people better because at times of hardships, not everyone will be there and what happened to me is that the one who was present at those times wasn't the person that I expected to be there. This kind of people, they might not involve in most of your daily life but they will be in the frame of bad days or whenever you need help.

For those who had been waiting for me at hospitals for hours (yang tolong hantar pun!) - I thanked you so much. I wish I could give you back all your time spent waiting for me. Those who got me food, gave me endless support, hugs when I was so down with the sickness and lack of motivation - you're indeed great people. I thank god for surrounding me with the kindest and nicest people. Also to those who spent their time listening to me complaining about my studies and everything. You lot are very kind :)

I spent 2015 with the best people that I could ask for who had made it, a remarkable year. I might not be talking to some of you constantly in the past year, but believe me, once  I've acknowledged you in my life, you'll remain forever :)

2016 will be an exciting year, many of us are getting ready for our departures, a year that could totally change our lives. Whatever challenges we will have in this new year, bear in mind they will pass and we shall move forward. I wish that all of us will get to fulfil our new year resolutions, be a better of version of ourselves, a good servant and child.

Thanks for everything people, I love each of you even though I act like I hate you, trust me I have no reason to do that (sakit hati sikit sikit adalah, biasa lah aku pun manusia hahaha)

Last but not least, HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody and if you're reading this post, man - what kind of creature are you? Thanks a lot for wasting your time reading those bad experiences and rants, I like you lots :D

p/s: I already got myself my new year gift, what about you? I'll share later in the next post about the gift :)