random thought

sometimes I do think that why everything seems so hard, the road is pretty harsh and I just want to rebel all the hard times and shout loudly,
'WHY IS THIS THING IS SO HARD?'

Whenever I saw people that had dealt with their past with so much joy and never regret about it instead they were hoping that could go back to past, why I never feel that way?

I noticed it that I am getting so so so so easily unsatisfied with almost everyone, I easily could find everybody's mistakes and I just feeling like throwing up at them. But no, I don't such thing.

what actually makes me to feel like that?




I had this super BIG gap between me and Allah, The Almighty which keeps me away from Him. It is me who walked away not Him, instead He stays beside me forever.

That gap caused me to be far away from Allah.
Makes me feel that everything is against me.
The gap ate my iman every time it gets bigger.
It makes me sink, fall underground to the dunya.

I need a pair of wings to rise up.
To erase the gap.

Umar Mita

For 2 hours

Assalamualaikum wbt :)

so a few weeks ago, I'd went to Perak, to an orphanage, to Bait Al-Amin. A place I had never been before not for the past 16 years of my life. One day that had changed me, a very emotional day, a day that taught me about different view of life.

and it didn't need for the whole year or one month, one week or even one day. I was taught by these kids for 2 hours.

This was one of my class big project before we end our schooling. We wanted for a class trip and decided to have something different and then we decided to visit an orphanage. Our mua'lim managed everything and we settled down with our exams.

18th April 2013. we skipped thursday classes and hit the journey at 8am. We supposed to arrive at 2pm or right after dzuhur but the it took 9 hours for us to arrive at the orphanage. 4.45pm - we arrived at Bait Al-Amin, Parit, Perak.

I must admit it, when the bus stopped in front of the orphanage, I was full of frustration, imagining the time we would have and started to feel unsatisfied. but then, I saw a few girls were watching us from their dorms. A few boys around 9 y'old were lingering and peeking at us. I started to worry about the time and how the program would be. Then, the real surprise was there. All the boys and girls from 9 y'old to 17 y'old were walking and talking loudly yet they were happy though. When I saw them, it felt like all the frustrations and worries and everything I felt just now had their wings on and flew away from me. It felt light and the most important thing was, I felt blessed. My jaw dropped *seriously I went like :O* 

so, the orphanage manager, Ayah Lan came and greeted us. we could feel the warmness aha! and we sat down for briefing and they let me handled the ceremony and at first, I went blanked out and seriously zipped my lips as I was afraid a little bit scared, THERE WERE GUYS! I mean boys that at my age.... well I got communication problem. with guys. I turned to my teacher and whispered to her 'ketar, sejuk habis ni..' she smiled and I just started on praying for calmness.

It went good, I managed to fight the shivers and shakes. We were paired up with our adik-adik and yeay, taaruf time! There were 16 girls and 24 boys and most of my classmates got girls and leaft me with two boys. I 'donated' one to my junior oho.

my taaruf session was packed with silence, just a question then an answer. It continued till I asked Farah to join us and pheww at last, we laughed together. They learned about a few games, we did too, we taught them how to speak like a kelantanese and we had trouble to speak perak as their words weren't familiar to us.

played games for almost an hour, it was about like 6.50pm, my teacher stopped us after a few times trying to stop the activities. well, we all got so excited as we were already bonded, from hearts to hearts, like siblings - a real siblings did. we had a photo shoot and high tea. 

Nah, it wasn't so easy for us to sit up and have our tea. Some of my friends already had their tears coming down on their cheeks, heart to heart talk with their adik adik. But not me, 'cause I actually didn't spend so much time with my adik, I was the director of the program so I kept on running here and there, arranging the groups and activities etc etc. So my brother didn't tell me a lot about himself, just a brief about his family background and study.

 

I realized a few things. These kids that we'd met, aren't usual people. They are something, something special. When I looked at their faces, they were so calm and you could see the peace or maybe the 'nur', well, something I can't word, there is no suitable word that could explain it. They are great.

They have different backgrounds, unexpected ones but they are very strong. They don't seem like the past is interrupting them, chasing them. Nothing scary written on their faces. They were happy and great. We all had our fair things with us, they lost the treasure of live. But do we all really appreciate our treasure, our parents at home? 

I had my fair lessons there and so do my friends. Better to say that we had...

DUSHHH! in our faces and shame on us.

to adik adik, we missed you guys so much. Stay healthy stay good stay cool. InsyaAllah, we will be visiting bait al-amin again in December :) Pray for us.