December 06, 2013

Another gift :)

It has been one year. I thought I would never have any boost up gift from Him.

That one year was a tough period. I was dealing to fight for the exam, the very one that will let me to have my own ticket to get on the next train to travel. I dealt with myself, finding its own way back, tracking the path that had been covered by piles of dust that I might just missed of one of them. Still, never could I find the end of the path because it is endless. Even when I breathe the last breath, it is not ending. Eventually, it is getting started, the eternity of life.

In that period, I had to balance both. My soul was demanding for feed. I, myself need the knowledge it has been hungered for. I had no idea how the struggles were and how I got through them. All I could remember are the almost-giving-up moments, sighs, cries and silent screams.

My sister, she gave me a book, well actually a diary. But a diary is not supposed to be only diary; I made it as my journal, more like a notebook. It is not private. I shifted my life as I had my U-turn at the turning points back then in 2012. And every single of the days was different. Got back to Al- Quran and tried to understand more the hadiths that I learned. She gave me a book, the one that people are still searching for, rare to be found in Malaysia; Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed. It is not just a book, but a manual to fish back the upset, lost and dehydrated heart and cherish it with lots and lots of love from Rabb.

Back then, I never feel like the love from Allah was surrounding me and I thought that I fought for life alone, just being accompanied by people who weren’t feeling the same like me. But, one will never know what Allah has planned for one’s soul. After 16 years of being totally at halt, I was awakened by ‘heart need’.  It was when my heart was at lost, I felt completely empty and I could not tell which one was the real pain and which was the real joy. I thought of myself, the purposes of me being here and what the things I should have done. At that point I started to look for answers, looked deep into myself. I tried to figure out what was the thing my heart screamed for? You know, the pain was indescribable. You look like normal on the outside but it was aching all over your body and your nerves were about to explode. The heart was like grieving and it could not be expressed it words.

I wrote how I found the answers here. You may check it.

In the meantime of discovering the path, I did not get to hold on the rope tightly, sometimes I slipped. Alhamdulillah, Allah has granted people to stand beside me and they are the ones who remind me which path to take and avoid. We all moved together, trying to help each other.

I think because I don’t really listen to people (back then) that is why I quickly learnt from songs, from observations and readings.

Alhamdulillah, I am still on the track, hoping for no turning back.

Allah, He gave me, us one priceless lesson. After a year, during the exam, I was sort of despairing and started to play around and do nothing. I was in need of what I got last year, something to boost me up. So I asked from Him, a gift to heal my heart, to feed my soul, to fix back my intention.

He gave me a good lesson; Sehidmizi Ahmad Ammar bin Ahmad Azam (May Allah have mercy upon him)
A young guy that I have never known before had made my jealous level to rise above than its limit. He and his journey had totally made my eyes wide opened to see there is still far away ahead. I never ever had been jealous over any person this bad; I could not even see his videos again and again, reading articles about him and any posts from his friends and his parents. I had tremendous Goosebumps in me and enough to bring tears to well up.

He is the one that Allah has given to me as another wake up call. For me to cherish back and know that there is still hope. Allah has never moved an inch from me, but it only me who would move away.

I know that it would be more up’s and down’s coming interrupting, and that is the condition of our iman, the people. Just gotta try the best to keep it in the best condition.

How I wished that I could meet all those people who Allah had made to be the ones that deliver His messages to me. Just to thank them.

Credits: Umar Mita

Allahurabbi. Wahasytini. 

Test Reflection

It has been like 3 days after I had finished sitting for SPM, Alhamdulillah. As usual, everyone would be like telling the same, the exam was so freaking hard etc. Yeah, I agree with that.

To be sitting the exam myself, well after years of waiting, seeing my sisters and brothers and seniors passed it were a great experience. In like 3 weeks, I had just learnt a few simple yet important things in life.

Frankly speaking, at first, I thought it would be a true examination without question leakages, spot questions; you name it. Seriously, I was so eager to see that none of these things happen. But it was just hopeless.
I never really care if others got involved in this case, but not when my own friends also got in trouble.
It feels like you had failed.

Well, every night starting from the first night before Malay Language paper, all of us prayed together and had the best laughs instead of being nervous about tomorrow (the nervousness just won’t help haha). I still remember, we sat together and I told myself and them to tajdid our ni’ah(intentions), why we are taking this exam and what do we want out of striving really hard. I was hoping that all of us remembered this and never ever got the wrong intentions.

So, we were doing right. But when it started to have leakages here and there, I just know that it is considered as I am cheating if I ever get involved in this case. A serious cheating ‘cause you not only cheat yourself, but the teachers, the parents and all of the people that were having hopes on you. What matter the most is, you cheat Allah.

I thought that we would never get involved but who knows.

Every time when someone would tell that she got leaked questions, some would like stand up and warned all of us.  We should have always being reminded by others.

‘Stop taking those stuffs. Bila lagi nak be confident of yourselves and prove your own ability?’

And I just could not stop that from coming and hit us so hard in the middle of the way.

But, Allah is just fair. He helped me, if He did not moved my heart to go home, I will never ever be guilty-free.  It was the moment when you realized that you have grabbed a lift just before you sink.

Credits: Umar Mita

For me, SPM in another view is not just an intelligence –based examination. It was more than that. When all of us has came to the age of 17 years old, in the end of the year we would be tested in an examination, to test our intelligence; maybe how far we had understood what had been taught for years and to test our honesty. 

It would be like thousands of bullets come hitting you from all directions and boundaries that would just make you feel giving up and take the shortcuts. In gripping your own, very own success, there would be no shortcuts. It is either you take the long way or play it safe.  In driving, we should take shortcuts because it is not cheating!  But in exams, those shortcuts are so wrong. 

For me, as I reflected on what had happened and on what people had told me, what you did before, during and after the exam contributes in the results.

SPM is mostly about learning. In learning, we have learners, teachers, the givers and the receivers. So, the barakah really plays a big role in here. I remembered once my teacher had told me about barakah, the blessings in learning.

Imam Ghazali, he was a good student. One day he went to class a little bit late. So, he studied and listened well to the teacher but he found that it was so hard to understand what was being taught about and nothing he could focus on that day. So he asked someone about that (I could not remember who was it), why was that happening to him? That person told that he had hurt his teacher’s feeling by, coming to class late; he had distracted the teacher and students’ focus. When he opened his book and the sound of turning pages distracted them once again.

That totally, truly shows how it is important barakah in learning. Imam Ghazali is such an obedient man; he is an Imam, the founder of mazhab Ghazali. But, we are the no one, with such attitude. We must have been hurting our teachers so much and never really care about the barakah.

Maybe it had happened for some of us and just could not say, ‘It is already happening so don’t think too much. ’ You can forget it just when you fix and mend it. But what should I fix?  The papers had been already sent to everywhere and we just could not ask the old days to rewind and replay.

Fix it through Allah. Ask for His forgiveness and blessings. Fix your heart, never to do the same mistakes again. That is the way how to fix it.

It has come to the end but not the end of the journey. Just a lot more to learn, to give and to take. May  Allah bless you J

September 12, 2013

Just ordinary

This is where I could find just to spill. nah, not spilling actually, ranting to be specifically correct. aha :)

Currently feeling like not letting go someone, well somewhat like you'd tie someone near you all the time and when the time had came, you just have to let them go.

This is happening. now. to me.

Even though you knew about the leaving earlier before they left. It's just still hard to accept the fact. It hurts inside.
This thing is not very rare thing to happen to me as everyone experiences this kind of feeling right? Look, I am an ordinary person. I got the share to feel this.

but, it is just so hard. I'd been questioning myself, what had been taking me up to this level since I don't really cry at farewells. Why?

another, WHY?
and WHY?
and WHY?

Allah's teaching another lessons of life. Lesson for me to know myself more, for me to realize why it is granted to me to feel like this. This is the lesson to bring me closer to Him.
well, to love someone is just a part of learning to love yourself.

Take a deep breath and smile. Allah loves you <3 p="">

credits to: Umar Mita

July 20, 2013

Real Ramadhan story.

Alhamdulillah, yeay! It's already 11 Ramadhan :) and it's still not late for me to wish Happy Ramadhan kareem to everyone.

well, this is my very first REAL ramadhan.
Don't misunderstood 'real'. I called it as real ramadhan as this is the first year ever since I re-learn about Islam. A real ramadhan, well I know what exactly ramadhan  brings, the offers, the double-triple rewards, the fiesta, the trials and everything. But, usually I take it light, ignoring every thing and just sunk into my own dead imagination world, begging for happiness at dunya.

and this ramadhan is different. It is different and has to be different. You're growing up and you are getting to know about a lot of things whether it is good or bad. 

But, I am weird why people are having hard times to just realize that this is the golden opportunity and the only chance that they have in a year. Some are very sure that they'll meet the next ramadhan and keep on saying the same dialogue for every year. 
I deal with folks in the hostel and it isn't that easy and getting harder when it comes to face your own friends. It is nice to see my juniors'*especially*  improvements in their daily ibadah in this holy month. 

We had this one small programme, Al Quran Marathon - and the objective of it, is just to help those who haven't khatam the al quran and those who want to khatam the al quran. we sit together. You'll have your own naqibah and get an al Quran for yourself, start reading. SIMPLE. right after 'asr and maghrib prayers. 

but still still still, there are some folks didn't turn up themselves for the session. I ain't being angry or mad. not at all. Just frustrated, not a lil' bit but seriously frust-tra-ted. 
I know among the ones that absent from the session, can't even read the al quran, read the al quran like you're reading a book and etc. I ain't bringing up this issue just because I know how to read al quran or what. Hey, I have flaws and imperfect at all. But, this is the responsibilities for the muslims. I am a muslim and I am responsible to make sure people in my circle know the al quran, know how to read it and have the quran inside their hearts no only in minds.

There was one night, the head girl asked me to give a talk about taraweeh prayer, the AQM. I accidentally said this

"Saya tak nak paksa tapi korang nak ke malu nanti bila besar, awak sorang sorang je tak boleh baca quran? Baik malu sekarang nak belajar mengaji daripada malu bila besar, lidah dah keras, kebal."

nak bantai melayu.
Mungkin ada yang terasa, terus pusing belakang. ada yang terus cuit kawan-kawan ditepi sambil tersengih-sengih. 

"Kalau awak ni golongan genius al quran, tajwid, qiraat dan taranum lekat dalam dada. Ilmu quran tinggi, tak nak join saya pun tak kisah. Langsung."

Dewan almost senyap. Ada yang menunduk, mungkin tengah fikir tahap pengajian al quran masing - masing. Naqibah ada yang tersengih dekat belakang bila tengok anak buah masing - masing punya reaksi. Yang memusing belakang tadi, ada yang keluar dewan. Tapi, kebanyakkannya tak pusing - pusing, terus menghadap dinding.

Kenapa susah sangat nak dengar kenyataan tentang diri sendiri? Bila sebut tentang kekurangan diri, terus pekak telinga. Automatik. 
Not only them.
You are also like that.
I do it too.

The humming of truth is just painful, but it makes us to be a better person.

Lastly,Enjoy the fiesta. Semoga dapat kenikmatan ramadhan! Allahu akram :)

Brotherhood Arts

May 30, 2013

random thought

sometimes I do think that why everything seems so hard, the road is pretty harsh and I just want to rebel all the hard times and shout loudly,

Whenever I saw people that had dealt with their past with so much joy and never regret about it instead they were hoping that could go back to past, why I never feel that way?

I noticed it that I am getting so so so so easily unsatisfied with almost everyone, I easily could find everybody's mistakes and I just feeling like throwing up at them. But no, I don't such thing.

what actually makes me to feel like that?

I had this super BIG gap between me and Allah, The Almighty which keeps me away from Him. It is me who walked away not Him, instead He stays beside me forever.

That gap caused me to be far away from Allah.
Makes me feel that everything is against me.
The gap ate my iman every time it gets bigger.
It makes me sink, fall underground to the dunya.

I need a pair of wings to rise up.
To erase the gap.

Umar Mita

May 04, 2013

For 2 hours

Assalamualaikum wbt :)

so a few weeks ago, I'd went to Perak, to an orphanage, to Bait Al-Amin. A place I had never been before not for the past 16 years of my life. One day that had changed me, a very emotional day, a day that taught me about different view of life.

and it didn't need for the whole year or one month, one week or even one day. I was taught by these kids for 2 hours.

This was one of my class big project before we end our schooling. We wanted for a class trip and decided to have something different and then we decided to visit an orphanage. Our mua'lim managed everything and we settled down with our exams.

18th April 2013. we skipped thursday classes and hit the journey at 8am. We supposed to arrive at 2pm or right after dzuhur but the it took 9 hours for us to arrive at the orphanage. 4.45pm - we arrived at Bait Al-Amin, Parit, Perak.

I must admit it, when the bus stopped in front of the orphanage, I was full of frustration, imagining the time we would have and started to feel unsatisfied. but then, I saw a few girls were watching us from their dorms. A few boys around 9 y'old were lingering and peeking at us. I started to worry about the time and how the program would be. Then, the real surprise was there. All the boys and girls from 9 y'old to 17 y'old were walking and talking loudly yet they were happy though. When I saw them, it felt like all the frustrations and worries and everything I felt just now had their wings on and flew away from me. It felt light and the most important thing was, I felt blessed. My jaw dropped *seriously I went like :O* 

so, the orphanage manager, Ayah Lan came and greeted us. we could feel the warmness aha! and we sat down for briefing and they let me handled the ceremony and at first, I went blanked out and seriously zipped my lips as I was afraid a little bit scared, THERE WERE GUYS! I mean boys that at my age.... well I got communication problem. with guys. I turned to my teacher and whispered to her 'ketar, sejuk habis ni..' she smiled and I just started on praying for calmness.

It went good, I managed to fight the shivers and shakes. We were paired up with our adik-adik and yeay, taaruf time! There were 16 girls and 24 boys and most of my classmates got girls and leaft me with two boys. I 'donated' one to my junior oho.

my taaruf session was packed with silence, just a question then an answer. It continued till I asked Farah to join us and pheww at last, we laughed together. They learned about a few games, we did too, we taught them how to speak like a kelantanese and we had trouble to speak perak as their words weren't familiar to us.

played games for almost an hour, it was about like 6.50pm, my teacher stopped us after a few times trying to stop the activities. well, we all got so excited as we were already bonded, from hearts to hearts, like siblings - a real siblings did. we had a photo shoot and high tea. 

Nah, it wasn't so easy for us to sit up and have our tea. Some of my friends already had their tears coming down on their cheeks, heart to heart talk with their adik adik. But not me, 'cause I actually didn't spend so much time with my adik, I was the director of the program so I kept on running here and there, arranging the groups and activities etc etc. So my brother didn't tell me a lot about himself, just a brief about his family background and study.

I realized a few things. These kids that we'd met, aren't usual people. They are something, something special. When I looked at their faces, they were so calm and you could see the peace or maybe the 'nur', well, something I can't word, there is no suitable word that could explain it. They are great.

They have different backgrounds, unexpected ones but they are very strong. They don't seem like the past is interrupting them, chasing them. Nothing scary written on their faces. They were happy and great. We all had our fair things with us, they lost the treasure of live. But do we all really appreciate our treasure, our parents at home? 

I had my fair lessons there and so do my friends. Better to say that we had...

DUSHHH! in our faces and shame on us.

to adik adik, we missed you guys so much. Stay healthy stay good stay cool. InsyaAllah, we will be visiting bait al-amin again in December :) Pray for us.

March 02, 2013

Dreams that won't come true

Assalamualaikum wbt and howdy?

It has been a while and alhamdulillah I am just finished with the first exam, three more to go in the next every two months, insyaAllah. I haven't been home for 'few' weeks.. nah, a just a few days haha

We all have our own dreams and some of us might have their own list of wishlist, some are relevant and some are not. But I had found out that some of us have this one unrealistic dream, which someone had told me that they wanted to achieve that dream of being somebody else.

There were a few people who came and talked to me and they were asking me all those stuff about my life, backgrounds, etc etc. Maybe some of them had noticed that I had been changed. I once told those people about how I changed and the feedback were positive, still then. Some were just like 'I wish that I got the chance to change' 'Thanks for the unrevealed story, I just noticed about the lesson.'


They were who came and said 'I wish that I am you.' 'I want a  life exactly like yours' and they weren't just saying those words. They did what I did, almost in every thing. and they weren't being themselves.

What makes you to have that kind of dream? What did encourage you to be like another people?
Is it just because of something great happened to that person you want to be?

If you do dream to be like others, it is not wrong like 100% wrong. No. People are different and because of that, for sure our lives are different, never the same with others. Even twins aren't having the same life, the same feeling, the same experiences.

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلنَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقۡنَـٰكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ۬ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلۡنَـٰكُمۡ شُعُوبً۬ا وَقَبَآٮِٕلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓاْ‌ۚ إِنَّ أَڪۡرَمَكُمۡ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتۡقَٮٰكُمۡ‌ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ۬
O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted(49:13)
 Those who were copying what I did won't be having the same life like I did. Instead, they might be stressed of doing that as they are doing something that isn't applicable to their condition. If you want to be like that another person, no. Aim to be better than them. and believe that you can. Make that another people as a ruler - kayu pengukur or whatever for your new start. Set in your mind whenever it crosses to feel doing the same thing like other people;
- I have to do better than him/her.

Same goes to the appearance. There's a few people who when they watch people start to change their dress code and stuff they are doing the same without thinking the consequences. Changing the dress code to a better one is good and nothing is wrong with it. But have you think that are you ready for the change? Are you mentally and physically ready with what will you face later? Some people they aren't ready for the change yet but they have changed drastically fast. Soon, they couldn't even bear with the consequences of the change like critics and comments from people, losing friends and etc etc the extreme weather changing as when you are starting to wear hijab for the first time, it is kinda hot inside. If you are a new hijabis, it would take you some time to get used to the hijab and it is advised for you to wear something comfortable and light. It is not like you have to wear the long hijab with purdah or niqab or burqa as soon as you are hijab-ed.

we have to take time in changing and trying to be exactly like others isn't the best way. Do it in ways that you are comfortable with and not burdening you but still according to the syariah.

Believe me, if you don't stop looking for the gift that you'd wished for years, it will come in surprising and unexpected ways. Be true and have faith in Allah. He has planned every thing for us and the best plans ever.

Umar Mita
Life won't be upside down if you keep walking on the right path.

February 09, 2013


'Sekolah mane?'
'sekolah biasa je, tu seberang jalan depan ppd.'
''ohh. ingat sekolah agama.'

even though it has been almost 5 years, people still ask me this questions. the conversation would end with a weird expression from people who ask me this kind of question. What's with the expression?

teruk sangat ke for me to study over there not in a sekolah agama?
Don't I deserve to be there, in that school?

Ramai yang cakap saya tak macam salah seorang pelajar sekolah tu. Jap, memang kena jadi sespesies ke semua tu, yang semua sama trend, style. or maybe dekat dahi kena ada cop rasmi sekolah sekolah?
Do you guys expect in that school we don't have Islamic educations?
we might not have a complete islamic environment and kitorang mungkin tak dapat education of Islam straightly. and that what makes us different.

this is my opinion about this issue.

- Situation kitorang lagi tough dalam nak discovering Islam because we don't have a real islamic environment and the knowledge about Islam won't come straight towards us and rolling all over the places. We have to find it ourselves. If you are strong, memang stail tak mudah terpengaruh, seriously you will get through it. If you style yang rebel memang mudah tumbang.

- with this situation yang kitorang kena usaha dengan sendiri untuk feed our souls, the thing we discovered, yang kitorang alami memang lagi terkesan. Once dah kena, memang ingat. Kitorang tak didedahkan dengan hadis hadis, ayat-ayat al-Quran but once we had found those things, it is easier for us to remember it cus for us that thing is new, lagi senang nak masuk dalam jiwa ni.

bukan lah, saya nak judge yang sekolah bukan agama ni tak elok atau terlebih elok dan sekolah agama ni lebih elok atau tak elok. Bukanlah nak letak standard sekolah yang bukan ber'based' kan agama ni memang pelajar pelajar dia agama dia rapuh, no.  Both have pros and cons.
cuma, tolong jangan buat weird expression tu bila jawapan kami tidak menepati citarasa anda. Kami bangga dengan tempat kami menuntut ilmu.

Tempat kami mungkin membezakan tanggapan kalian, merendahkan expectation kalian tapi in the very first basic thing, nothing differ us.

We are just muslims.

January 24, 2013

Tragedy Abang Burger

Haritu sebab stress yang melampau sebab tak boleh keluar asrama, kitorang join warden hantar budak sakit dekat hospital. It was a long journey, sorta because we actually stuck with road block, touring around Kota Bharu because the clinic was already closed and the only hope was the hospital and Alhamdulillah they were still accepting patients. My junior was feeling dizzy all the time, so we helped her to get the meds at pharmacy which was on the other buildings of the hospital. 

Our warden, the most sporting ever warden you will ever meet was buying burgers for us and she was having some problem to stand up for a long time, we took her shift waiting for the burgers lol it was not a usual burger because the name was Burger Pita*they used roti pita as the burger bread, thats why they called it liddat*

The burger boy got our order done and I paid to him. He was giving me the change and at that time He did not wear any gloves so I just pointed to him asking him to put the change there. He got my silence answer and...

‘Oh ada air semayang eh?’ 
There you go, a GOOD question.

I was speechless not because of the taste of the burger or the way he had asked me but I was speechless because of that question he asked me. Duhhh. Ada air semayang? Do you ever expect me for pointing you to put the change down there just because I had my wudhu’? 

I can conclude that he maybe forgot I am a girl or he was having a hallucination till he saw me as a man.

If I did not have wudhu’ that time what would happen? Was he giving me a 50% discounts or a free burger? Nonetheless, he would just make me to commit sin because if I took the money from him ON his hand, I would probably touch his hand unless I was the one who wore the gloves.

My question here is why it seems so easy and why people take this thing lightly? I think all muslims must take Islamic Studies for SPM and PMR right? And I think he did because he looked like early 20’s.

He is a muslim and all muslims are taught that woman and man that is ajnabi cannot have skin contact, it is haram to touch your hand, to touch my hand, dudeeeee. Skin contact is one of the factors of zina and I ain’t feeling to do so. 

He is older than me and he should be aware about it. Sigh.

And what is the level of aurat they are actually thinking? Aurat is dignity.

A True Homecoming

Al –Fatihah to the departed souls, May Allah forgive the sins and make their journey in the other side of another world at ease.

We had never imagine how death really is; when would the angel of the death come and greet us to another phase of so-the-called life and how nice the invitation would be? Where would be the last place before we end our life?

I asked those questions to the juniors during the night lecture. And I was actually asking myself too.  Last weeks, my close friend and also a classmate of mine lost her father. My junior lost her father too. Both of them passed away. The first thing came to my mind when I heard about this news was, 

‘Oh she might be broken now.’
‘I bet she’s crying so hard.’

But my classmate showed me that my thoughts were not right. At least 67% wrong. Her father died and she wasn’t crying over her dead father’s body or even having a breakdown or having her life tied to a tree and she was not trying to untie it, no. She was okay like nothing bad had happened.

My junior’s dad passed away because of brain tumour. He had been sick for years, and she was the one who took care about his self management. My junior was known for being late to school but every time she came to school late, no prefects or teachers would take an action on her. We all knew she was late just because that reason. Not being in traffic jams, not waking up late and rush to school. She was late to school because she bathed her dad every day and prepared the breakfast and fed him. I never met a person; a child who had sacrificed her fresh mornings, just to get her dad ready. She sat for PMR last year, her dad slipped into coma and he did not wake up when she got her PMR result. She could feel her dad’s presence, still. But she is not so broken. 

These two people showed me that death is not gonna make one’s to stop from moving. Death is not a thing that will bring you down to earth, being tied to the deepest ground and let one’s heart and soul to be dead. Death is not to make you a living corpse. They are not ending their lives; they are continuing their lives because they believed in one thing.

He, the Almighty had have planned the best for all. Death happens is not to make one’s to be like all above. Death is not something to be cried for. Death is something that you should be relieved at because you are going home.

‘From Him we came and to Him we return.’

We all are travellers and thank God that we are still in this journey and in the end of the journey we all will return to home. People do not stay at places they are not belonged to. Even the animals would be moving from this territory to another territory, country to country but when the time comes, those animals would go back to their own territory; Home. So, when someone passes away, I think it is not necessary to cry like you will be sentenced for a hang. Be happy for the deceases, they are going back home not going away from you or a place that you won’t know. Even if you had screamed on the top of your voice, cried all you tears and ignoring everything – nothing of these things gonna work. Your loud and pathetic screams are not going to wake the dead, *they might be awake to shut you up* 

The departure of the souls has been booked and the tickets are kept until the leaves with your name written on fall to the ground. It is a private departure because we all are going to meet our creator, the master of us so He had made it a surprise. 

We should be prepared to face the losing, the death of others and the death of ourselves. Death is a secret homecoming for every soul. What if you are not fully prepared during the departure? You are feeling so hard to leave the place you are visiting for a while, you want to stay longer and get prepared. Death is not a thing that you can ask for a minute late, a minute earlier, an hour pause so that you could have a sip of coffee and laugh for the last time. It is a serious thing – a final exam for us. Worshipping Allah and making ‘amal that He’d pleased are the studies. If you had done the studies all and out, you are ready for the exam and insyaAllah for the best result to come out. You ‘amal will determine whether you are applicable or not for the Jannah. 

Whenever you are informed about someone’s death, get yourself reminded about your own death because all of us will be going home sooner or later and there are no exceptions for any souls. We are lining up, waiting for our turns to come.

Have faith in Him and keep on the ‘amal.

P/s: Dear both of you, thanks for showing me how to stay strong and tough. May Allah bless you guys. Staying strong doesn’t make you the strongest one, Allah grants you the strength so be thankful to Him.