May 25, 2014


I had been wondering for the whole week. Why I am being so frustrated lately. Almost on everything. I did anything wrong or I was not satisfied or and or and or and or. It is just and endless questioning.

So, I think I can't be in frustration all the time, it might make me stressed! and no way I am going to let myself become so tensed. You have no idea how stressing it is cus whenever I got frustrated, I become so hopeless, weak, I don't know how to fight back those frustrations!

It is hard.

Verily, in every hardship comes easiness.

I noticed one thing in this frustration problem. After I tried to bring myself up again, I feel this you know this kind of 'I am strong', I can bear this even it is hard. I feel stronger and I can see things in good way like why this isn't for me etc

It feels like you are having direct tarbiyah from Allah :) cus He is the only one who holds every heart. He knows how to fix those broken hearts.

I erase it and continue sketching.

This is the phase where everyone talks about universities and courses and future undertakings etc etc and I admit that sometimes it is stressing just to hear people mentioning about that.

But, we can't never run away from those topics. It is like a must topic to be discussed in one's life. your life, my life, their lives and no one can actually escape from this. well, there is exceptional.

Back then, I was the loudest one to talk about future undertakings and I had this life plan of next 5 years, 10 years and 20 years. I was so detailed about planning my future, no doubt. I still have the 5 years life schedule. So, in the previous post I had explained how I erased all the plans and redraw it.

Alhamdulillah, I am currently sketching. But, this time it is not that easy. It is getting tougher and tougher and tougher. I almost give up, yeap a few days ago but you know, the One who holds your heart, He won't let that happen.

I haven't told anyone how actually I am feeling right now cus they just don't get it.

and you know what, I am thankful enough as I was well-trained by myself not to spill too much to human. and whoever was randomly picked by me, trust me what I told you was like 5% only.

the rest of 95%, you know Who.