tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81077316010900614802024-03-05T12:46:18.963+08:00Nurul RantAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-12090469227301921492016-09-15T15:13:00.003+08:002016-09-15T15:15:38.301+08:00July 27th, 2016 - Puy de DômeFor my first two months in France, I only had French classes and workshops, starts from 08.45 am to 03.30 pm and we had a lot free time after school. Luckily, our language centre/alliance francaise already organized several activities each day - you might have castle excursions, city visits, games and sport stuff too. I swear, I couldn't help myself to join those activities, but they aren't free - we have to pay fees that include the transportation and entrance tickets - but if you come with scholarship, you'll get some excursions coupons, thus you can choose activities that you want to go for free.<br />
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One of my favourite and most unforgettable activities that I'd subscribed to was hiking at Puy de Dôme, the highest lava dome from where you can see all of Chaîne de Puys - chains of lava domes, volcanic mountains.<br />
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We went there straight after our atelier, there were two buses from cavilam and there was only 5 of us Malaysians who joined it. Frankly speaking, before arriving there, I was imagining that the hiking session wouldn't be so difficult like hiking Broga Hill in Malaysia but heck no, it was hard. The path is inclined and flat lands last only for 5 - 10 metres.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Took this on our way there, from the bus</td></tr>
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I teamed up with Alanna and a Colombian girl cum my workshop mate, Juliana during the hiking, we weren't mentally and physically prepared for it, so we stopped at almost every single checkpoint we found - I remember that Alanna and I kept on asking, 'Still far?' and we were totally out of breath right after 10 mins hiking. No stamina at all, all of them were dedicated for food processing hahaha I ate a lot well, since there's so many good food to try :P<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Start the climb!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">View from the first stop</td></tr>
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To arrive the peak of the Puy de Dôme, it usually takes about 45 mins *according to the guide*, well well well, we took approximately 55-60 mins to arrive. We were slowed down by the view! How can you resist taking photos or appreciating the magnificent paysage - they're incredible beautiful. Like at different height and side of the mountain, you'll see different side of Auvergne. The boys had good time taking photos as they were like climbing here and there and it was a bit dangerous, so we didn't want to take any risk lol.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If you can see clearly, at the edge of the cliff - my friends were there taking photos</td></tr>
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Once we'd arrived at the peak, whoa I was so so relieved and feeling like a champion, aha! I mean like when I turned around, mannn did I just climbed all the path just to get here? I can't believe myself - I finally did it! So we took a little break, we bought waffles and drinks and just enjoyed the view. There were people doing paragliding - I was this close to join it but unfortunately, I didn't have enough cash with me, so maybe next time yeah?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Paragliding</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Made itt!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's a reservoir back there, and a kiosk</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The view from the viewing deck</td></tr>
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We walked over the gate of no entry to this path, well YOLO!</div>
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After an hour of break at the peak, we started going down as we needed to be back at cavilam at 08.30pm. Going down was much more fun than going up and it is more dangerous as well - thank god we weren't injured at all during the hiking session. <br />
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On our way back, we sat at the back of the bus with a spanish group and they were like singing randomly to Spanish songs and there was one of them suggesting that we picked a song that everyone can sing - we started off with I'm Yours and Thousand Miles. We made Alanna sing and we did a malay song for the spanish. It was a nice time, after a tiring activity, you can still enjoy yourself!<br />
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This is actually not my first time hiking in France, it's my second as I was at Grenoble a week before, and we went to La Sassenage, it was tiring as well but not so difficult like climbing Puy de Dôme. Anyhow, it was worth it.<br />
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<i>p/s: totally missing the nature! Mountains are nowhere to be found in the city :(</i><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-50537634027325380472016-09-07T07:12:00.001+08:002016-09-07T07:12:35.283+08:00Vichy me manqueYeap peeps, you read it right. I'm no longer in Vichy (the previous city in north east of France), I've moved in to Antibes - a city near to Nice, located in the Côte d'Azur region and for the time being, I'm still trying to find something that can please me in this new place.<br />
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I can tell that I'm so attached to Vichy - it was my first city in France, I've met bunch of wonderful people there and it witnessed every single thing that was first time to me and the fact that Vichy is a small city - historical yet beautiful and it is surrounded with nature.<br />
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I know I shouldn't be comparing these two different cities though, but I can't help it! Of course they differ a lot - specially one is in the north and the other one is in the south. People from these two parts of France are totally not sharing the same values.<br />
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Frankly speaking, what I'm gonna write here is exactly from my personal observation, what I've experienced myself, so bear in mind that I would probably be freaking biased. Obviously, you would be a lot more inclined to things that you love/like.<br />
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I've been in Vichy for 2 months, living in a famille d'accueil or a foster family as it was a part of our bridging programme in France before starting our degree. I honestly tell you that they are super warm people! My first week was a disaster because I hardly could memorise directions - I got lost most of the time if I went out alone and well, Vichysois (the people of the Vichy) they are so kind, before you could go ask someone for the direction, there will be people approaching you asking whether you're okay or not. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Centre ville</td></tr>
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They're so freaking friendly and I am talking about strangers on the road - no matter where you are in the city, when you bump into someone else, they will always say 'Bonjour mademoiselle! Ca va?'<br />
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All.the.time.<br />
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In my case, people easily recognize me as a muslim, so you would have those random people giving you salaam and starting to talk in arabic. Most of the time, they think that muslims can speak and understand arabic. In fact, when we (Malaysians) told them that we can read and write arabic alphabets but not to understand it, they would be quite surprised as for them, the french-arabs, they are most likely to understand and speak arabic but not being able to write and read it. <br />
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In front of my university Pole Universite Albert-Londres, there's this one big big park which was constructed by Napoleon III in between the years of the world wars as Vichy was the place for him to relax after dealing with guerre (war). The park is super beautiful and there hadn't been a day passed without me going there, lepaking under the tree. Even when it was so so hot, it was summer and there were like 3 times we had canicule, I would still go there, just to lay down and play games with my friends. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At our fav spot during Eid</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pont de Bellerive </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In front of CAVILAM - Pole universite Albert Londres</td></tr>
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Next to Pole Universite, we have Sources des Celestins - natural thermal water source which Vichy is known for. There are several beauty products that used these thermal water sources, I remember there are 5 sources located in the Hall de sources but the very famous one is the celestins. What I want to talk about is the landscape of the city, the architecture, the historical buildings and the history of the city itself - these are the things that made me fall in love with Vichy. I would say it is a city for people who want to have a laid back lifestyle, enjoying the little bit of their with nature, of not having to rush all the time. I mean, I was so so so relaxed back then in Vichy and you can get to anywhere just by walking and the good thing I adore about the Vichysois, pedestrians have the priority. If you want to cross the road, drivers would stop and give you way, so polite!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Interior of sources des celestins</td></tr>
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I fall in love with France because of Vichy and the people I met there, especially the ones from CAVILAM, alliance francaise. I've been friends to people from all across the globe and they are so amazing! I've never imagined I would be meeting North Koreans, Brazilians, Colombians, Peruvians, Paraguayans etc. THEY'RE SO COOL! Well, to get to know their cultures is another different story, things you thought it was right about this one particular country would be so wrong. One thing I could say, these people couldn't get to guess my age, aha! I was like years younger, lol! I did the vice versa - I always think that they're older than their age, those sixteen years old girls are totally don't look like one... How can I guess?<br />
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If you guys were to find a place to improve your french or to just hang out for few days trying out things that are not in trend nowadays, don't hesitate to go for Vichy and Cavilam. You won't regret it, I swear. <br />
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Wait, I did have a regret. Leaving the city is my biggest regret for the time being. But I am pretty sure that I will be back there.<br />
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I'm trying to find some time to publish the posts of my visits in Auvergne, my favourite ones!<i> </i>Till then peeps!<br />
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<i>p/s: I started my first day of degree classes today! :) </i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-24866217539601207772016-07-25T17:01:00.001+08:002016-07-25T17:01:15.987+08:0025 daysPeace be upon all :)<br />
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I told myself that I wanted to write something after a month being in here, but it's okay - 25 days are long enough for me to be impressed with this country and every single thing that comes with it.<br />
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and how much I am missing my home.<br />
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Alhamdullilah, we departed from Malaysia on 30th June, suprisingly our flight was in the morning so we were a bit rushing. Everything was smooth, what made me so happy was during my departure, I have my friends coming to the airport and my family was there too. It wasn't that easy to leave your family behind though, I swear it was so hard trying to not to cry when hugging my mum, dad, siblings, nephew and nieces, my friends - I almost cry but phew, I managed to tahan from bursting out.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Waiting forboarding</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Missing three of us here, but this is more than enough :)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Upon arrival at Charles De Gaulle Airport (CDG), Paris</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Outside of the airport</td></tr>
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I still can't believe it that I made it, I have my own departure day. When I was 10 years old, it was me who would go to the airport to send off my siblings, like every single year each of them departed to further their studies and 10 years later, it's my turn!<br />
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I'm bit occupied with activities and classes in here, will totally try to find time to write about my current city, places I've been and of course about CAVILAM, my current university ;)<br />
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Love from Vichy, France.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-57739537658299948612016-06-22T00:15:00.000+08:002016-06-29T08:11:57.386+08:00Preparing to leave Howdy people? Half month fasting and hopefully all of us are still doing good ;)<br />
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I'm having mixed feelings of course, it is less than 2 weeks left in Malaysia! I tell you, I'm way too amazed with time, of how it moved too fast. As I could remember I still was on the mode of 'two months to take a pill chill' and now, I am the mode of getting all stuff into the lugagges. (it's really annoying when for every single addition item, you can't just help but to worry about exceeding the kilos).<br />
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The preparation for now is great, I mean yeah I've got to do the shopping like really a lot - spices, clothes, bags, souvenirs, bla bla bla you know really that the list will go on and on. The shopping part wasn't that bad and I would say it went really well, except for the fact that we haven't received our scholarship money yet - so it's a bit nerve wrecking, so I found a quick solution - borrowed my parent's money first because if I were to wait for the money, possibly I'll be rushing at the very last minute. and it's not a good thing, I know. Since, I am the one who did all the shopping alone, hohoho I got to choose what I want and what I like and I just figured out that I am a really hard, choosy person! I even feel giving up with myself for being so complicated. Choosing lugagges was the hard one, we went to more than 5 stores and still, I couldn't pick one. I kept on telling myself, "just choose one, it wouldn't be so bad to have some pink shades on your stuff or nah, this design would be perfectly fine, it's just you who don't feel that." But I couldn't avoid it :( I would always always and always pick something that is in my favourite colour range, my kinda style, it should be durable, not to bright and I have to feel connected with it when I first saw it (this is the most important one).<br />
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Apart from all of these shopping parts, I am currently in the process to accept the fact that Malaysian foods will no longer be available all the time. I know I have taken those foods for granted but, this 2 months break - I am using it well hahaha I have like a long list of what I feel like eating, and yeah I ate a lot. My goal to lose some weight seems to be forgotten (LOL) during this year's ramadhan.<br />
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I'm still packing and I still don't have everything that is necessary but there's no more space in the bag.<br />
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I'll get back anytime soon! Perhaps the next post would be written from France ;)<br />
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<i>p/s: we got our flight details already and you know what, kebaya is such love :3</i><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-79291115308228641752016-06-06T11:10:00.001+08:002016-06-22T00:18:57.166+08:00I hate airportsPeace be upon all, guess where am I now? I'm back in town after three weeks spent in the city for some important meetings regarding visa and all.<br />
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It feels so so so great to be back, I mean especially when you only have less than one month left to enjoy all things that only your homeland can offer to you. I tell you, I'm still trying to brain everything about departing to France - everything seems to be so fast now! Like a few months ago, I was still struggling for my fourth semester, the interviews, the graduation day and all of sudden, here I am, done with the visa, I am already accepted to a university (currently dealing with the residence) and just waiting for my flight. When you put something in time context, a month, a week, a year - it surely sounds a long time to wait but when you're almost at the end of it, then you'll realize how fast it has passed.<br />
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Talking about getting back to home, I usually - well, most of the time, would take the flight. I've only been on bus for once and it was for the Eid, my biggest mistake ever! You should never take a bus or go back by car during festive season because it took more than 16 hours to arrive home! The traffic was super duper slow and there were too many cars on the road and Kelantan would be so packed. During Hari Raya, you'll get to see lah traffic jam in front of my house. Seriously, it would never happen on normal days, plus it is just a small village that no one knows pun. Comment les gents peuvent trouver cette petite ville? <br />
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So, airplanes would solve this problem. an 8 hours journey can simply be shortened to one hour and you can just sit back and relax when flying! But, majority would assume that taking flights are so expensive and only affordable by certain group of people. Woah, of course not - it can be way more cheaper than taking the buses. As I could remember I've never had booked a flight more than one more bucks, even lower than that. I am a bit choosy, nationalistic to be exact, I would prefer Malaysia Airlines over other airlines. People think national air carrier usually are the most exclusive and expensive one, no you just need to play tricks. Book your tickets really early, avoid flying on weekends - that's it. <br />
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I couldn't deny airport is my favourite place ever! You'll get to see things you usually don't, meeting people you never thought of meeting, talking to strangers, you know - all those kind of stuffs. I really love the atmosphere, the airplanes, the crews, it is just full of peace.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I can't resist window seats!</td></tr>
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but, but, buuuuut, I still hate it too for some personal reasons lol, I'll just make list down below on why I hate being at the airport.<br />
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1) Trolley<br />
For this particular item, I hate it so much! Especially when I have to take it by myself. I never get it why it is not pulling apart from the row no matter how hard I've been pulling it. I swear, I always embarrass myself in the public just to pull one trolley. I hate you baggage trolley, you guys are so freaking annoying...<br />
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2) Getting there alone<br />
I don't mind being in the airport alone but when it comes to the time when you're needing the toilet and prayer time - who's gonna look after the luggages? You literally have to bring all of them everywhere. Kalau tengah solat tu, you just have to tawakal all the way hoping no one wouldn't steal your bags.<br />
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3) Flashbacks<br />
Having flashbacks can be so nice at times but for some reasons, especially at the airport, you just can't avoid it. The memories will keep coming even at times when you don't need them the most.<br />
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4) Purpose<br />
The purpose of people get to airports will be only two; either arriving or departing, people come or people leave. I really don't like going to airport to send someone off, it would so full of emotions no matter who is it. I fear of losing someone, it's not like they walk awaya or what but I fear of having them to come back lifeless. You can never expect what gonna happen once they hop on the planes, you don't sign for a guarantee over someone's life. <br />
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I know I'm overthinking huhuhu can't avoid it :( But anyhow, I really enjoyed my last domestic flight for this (probably last one). Since, I knew that I'll be away from this beloved land for a while, I really really appreciate the flight. Everything. The view, the snacks, the time I had at the airport alone and I didn't even feel like sleeping at all. That one hour flight from Kuala Lumpur, passing above Putrajaya and you can see the big buildings become miniatures at your sight, it was indeed the best feeling ever, that was when I really know I am totally in love with this land of mine. When the plane lowered down, we were flying just above Kelantan - God, this land shall be missed more than any other places I've been to! <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can't caption 'balik kampung' cus I was literally from my kampung (selangor)</td></tr>
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View from my window, Kelantan was just down below!</div>
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Oh yeah, before I forgot, Ramadhan Kareem to everyone! Alhamdulillah we're finally here once again, it's my favourite month :D I'm spending this year's ramadhan at home with my family, this means so much because I won't be around to celebrate Eid. It's pretty sad because we'll be leaving just a few days before ramadhan ends. But, as long as I get to perform taraweeh in kelantan, going to bazaar and get all the ramadhan vibes here, these would be just fine and enough. </div>
<br />
I wish you guys a blessed ramadhan no matter where you are, how long you are fasting - remember this holy month is the best time to reflect on ourselves and fix our relation with the One :) Set your ramadhan goals, be it to khatam the quran, to recite dzikr more, to perform taraweeh every night, to qiam - what ever your goals are, discipline is what you need to achieve your goals. Those goals will become your routine in no time, inshaAllah!<br />
<br />
Once again, have a happy ramadhan ;)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-9695848155646119552016-05-25T17:44:00.002+08:002016-06-22T00:16:56.740+08:00Turning 20 and first challengeI got my friends asking me why they couldn't find me on twitter and I told them I've deactivated my account.<br />
<br />
I don't know why but I am not enjoying being 20 for now. I've a lot of things happening and they're making me feel so devastated, hopeless and blank. <br />
<br />
Let's make long story short, I got my university admission results a week ago and I wasn't accepted by my first choice university. When I got to know that, honestly speaking, I was not sad at all and instead I felt so relieved (I don't lie, trust me.). Only 4 of us managed to make it as the university or what we call them in French, Grande École, prestigious higher education institute has a admission quota for Malaysian which is 4 persons. So, I must say that my friends who got there totally deserved the places.<br />
<br />
and me on the other hand, I have to change my course. I won't be doing Political Science anymore, I have to completely change my current future projects in a split second. I was then left with two more possibilities of pursuing my studies in Economics or Business Management. A few days ago, our professors released the results for another two grandes écoles and I got the one that I did not expect to get at all. <br />
<br />
I had breakdown for days. I've never been in that kind of situation, a happy go lucky, outgoing me suddenly turned to be a passive me. I couldn't talk to anyone, I avoided everyone, I skipped my meals. <br />
<br />
Don't you say that it's just a small problem, "why would you stress yourself over it?"<br />
<br />
How would you feel when your detailed life plan has to be changed and you have to execute the new one in less than one month, alone without visible support? How can you possibly forget your passion in a short time? <br />
<br />
I took freaking 2 years to completely get out of my childhood dream to take engineering and slowly convinced myself that I am in this new field, that is totally contrary to what I ever wanted. Now, when I've finally found my ground in political science, once again I am not meant to take it and I have to to something that I despise a lot and it will be what my degree and master about.<br />
<br />
I swear I know and aware that I don't get to decide what I want. I know but He actually knows the best for me. But to go through once again all those stuggles, it's not easy. You may see me laughing and smiling in the pictures with my friends or when I was texting anyone, I didn't even sound like I was struggling. No silly, you don't show your dark side to people. Of course you don't want to influence anyone else with your negative vibes that attacking you.<br />
<br />
I know I can't blame anyone as it is what I've been uttering in my prayers everyday.<br />
<i>"If a matter is good for every aspect in my life, present and hereafter, bring me closer to it and bring it closer to me. But if a matter is bad for every aspect of mt life, present and hereafter, avoid me from it and avoid it from me."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I hope that I will unfold the answers sooner. I'm in a tough phase and everything seems to be difficult for me now. Really, I couldn't even describe how I feel.<br />
<br />
Note to myself, always always always be thankful for whatever it is. God's testing you, He will never let one down.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-53007934509636925762016-05-20T02:18:00.001+08:002016-05-27T00:56:37.288+08:00What's so good about all girls' school<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Peace be
upon you all amazing creatures who are wasting their time on this space.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I love
you dearly </span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Alright,
so recently - about two days ago, I went to my old high school to join the
Teacher's Day celebration and also to meet my teachers and juniors before
leaving, well basically this is one of the must do things on the list of a
Zainabian. The celebration was awesome, I must say the kids have improved a
lot, in terms of their managerial skills, communication skills, decorations,
techs, everything! <br />
<br />
It has been like 2 years since I left the school and I couldn't lie those five
years I spent there were the best years in my life. I never regret going there,
well at the first place - I did. I'd tried my best to get out of the school
just because I felt inferior due to the fact that I was the only daughter in my
family who didn't get to enter islamic school. But, I did get the chance to
learn the same thing like my other sisters; I learned Arabic and other subjects
too. So, it was basically not a loss for me being in this school.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
All of my sisters and I, we went to all girls' schools. When I got the offer, I
was trying to figure out how am I gonna survive in this school because back
then what I knew about going to all girls' school would be only about bad
things - lesbians, bullies, etc...</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Because
of these negative impressions I had always opposed the idea of staying in the
dormitory. Well, my father wasn't available for all the time throughout the
schooling days, he couldn't drop me off at school every day even though, it
wasn't that far, 15 - 20 mins by car and it is in the center of the city so
sometimes we have to bear with the slow traffic in the morning and late in the
evening.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
Eventually, I no longer have these denials. I am totally grateful that I went
to that school because I didn't expect that I would enjoy it so much and even
if there are kids out there ask me is it worth going to an all girls' school,
YES IT IS! Without any doubt, you can never enjoy the life you've had in this
type of school somewhere else.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
So, what's so good about being in an all girls' school?</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
1) It's all about being free</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">You will
never have to worry about getting nasty glances from the opposite gender
because they simply just don't exist! I would say that I didn't
even have to stupidly act like a wanita melayu terakhir at school; I
mean you can do whatever you want. Sports? Come on, run as fast as you want,
jump as much as you want, no one would catcall, mock or make fun of you and the
most important thing is that you won't be feeling insecure at all. We all
girls, nothing to be ashamed of.</span></div>
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<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2) Monthly off - it's normal</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Everyone
understands PMS and all those girly stuff, we all have them on
monthly basis - mood swings, cramps, vomits, back pain, cravings etc... If
you're having leakage during your first days and super critical cramps, your
friends are there to help and eventually you can just sleep in class. In my
school, in each class we have this one reading area, we have pillows, carpet or
mats to sit or lay down. So basically during teachers transition, we would take
a nap together at the back of class (this is super helpful during
ramadhan). Teachers understand this issue very well, so the school actually
provides extra uniforms and you can just find all important items in the school
mart or get it free from the counsellor. But, sick bays are always occupied -
every day. You hardly can get a bed there.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
The majority in my school are muslims and we have this 20 mins before school
ends to perform Dhuhr prayer together. I've been to this one camp and my
groupmate (a guy whom I guess had no common sense at all) asked me whether did
I go to the masjid or not for dawn prayer and bad luck for
me because I was on my break and I literally had to lie to him. Here,
boys, you take note; don't don't don't ask a girl that you barely
know these kind of questions "Can you pray?" "Are you
fasting?" or something that relates to that - we are not comfortable
to tell you the truth if we are on our monthly off. It's something personal.
So, get your common senses together and shut it up.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
Back at the topic, ramadhan is all about fasting but when Allah says "Dear
girl, it's time for you to rest." In all girls' school, we would know who
is fasting or not and we actually bring foods to be shared with each other LOL.
We would eat quietly during recess - we know how to respect others too, okay.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
3) No love drama</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">This one
is the thing that I am so so grateful for being in an all girls' school. All
these love love thingy is totally haraam sister in the school! Of course, you
only have girls all around you, guys? Only those uncles working at the canteen,
maintenance guys, dentists and doctors once in a while and visitors. I was
staying in dormitory and I didn't join any tuition classes so basically, my
world revolved at the same place, with same people. I can tell you that I don't
befriend with guys during the 5 years of high school because I was too over
powered with the idea of hating guys and thinking that they were immature. I
did join several seminars and competitions that require me to work among the
guys - I did it professionally, when the thing ends, everything will end too. </span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
There are also those students who don't stay in dormitory so they go to tuition
classes and get to meet with other students, boys and girls. I would say that
is one of the way how they become friends? I don't know. </span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
Frankly, you can say my high school life is a bit boring hahaha I know. I had
little interaction with outside people and there's no episode of me having
crushes on boys - I enjoyed it anyway. You don't need those lovey dovey part to
make your school days memorable. I am stress-free (from this stupid thing, not
from exams), I don't have to worry about getting jealous over a girl liking my
guy or whatever. I spent my time studying and had fun with my girls.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
4) Your family knows all your friends</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I think
this is just same with other schools too. But it is kinda different for me
because my parents would actually know my friends and also their parents too.
It is kinda good for the sake of your own safety, right? One of the ways
to contact me back then was through phone via the landline, social media and
thru whatsapp. The funny thing which only my girlfriends knew is that I used my
mom's whatsapp to text my friends, I didn't have my personal whatsapp account
because I was using basic phone and I just don't really text people. I found it
really awkward when I go to camp, seminars, competitions and people were asking
for my whatsapp number, there was only one thing in my mind - How the heck am I
gonna give it to you? It's my mother's number! But these people hardly
understand it, when I gave them my personal number - which I used to contact my
family and close friends only (now, nope lol.) they would be like, "oh you
don't have whatsapp?". Super-duper awkward.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
Well, because of I only befriend with girls, my parents didn't have to worry a
lot. They just basically monitor me through my friends and everything was just
fine. I didn't think it was an extreme control, not over protecting, it was
fine for me.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
I guess I have been a bit out of the context up there, but who cares :) There's
a lot of good things you can benefit by attending an all girls' school, I
didn't mention all though. I would say the most important thing is discovering
myself and building my character. I mean, girl is the most complicated creature
to understand in this world and living as a girl together with other girls
for five years really had taught me about knowing myself. I handle well my
emotions now, I understand other girls more because we are already complicated
and then, we exist in so many different types. It helps me to deal with
friends in college life, a lot actually. So, I knew it would waste my time
to deal with someone who is not in the mood, just let her be.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
I learned a lot of things too besides those academic subjects, dancing,
cooking, sewing bla bla bla. It wasn't that easy when learning it at first, but
you'll just enjoy it in no time. I enjoyed dancing so much back then but sigh,
now in co-ed; it seems to be limited and not favorable by some people.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
What I like the most in girls' school is when we have events like celebrations
of eid, teacher's day, achievement, sports day, dinner and luncheon -whoa
you can't recognize these kids anymore. I mean annual dinner and luncheon are
the most awaited events each year,the students would dress up like Grammy's and
the perfomances are just awesome. You lose your voice whenever there's a celebration;
you'll cheer, shout and scream as loud as you can for the performances, your
friends and your house. We don't have cheerleaders but we won't stay there
doing nothing lol there will always be a bunch of kids dancing and cheering all
the time. </span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
Me? I cheered too, the loudest I cannnnn :D</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
That's basically what I can say about my experience as an all girls' school
student. I'd lost nothing actually, well for some part - yes I was a bit left
behind but there's a plenty of time for you to catch up and make it up. </span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
Shout out to my girl friends who are the best companions I've ever had, to my
school lol for witnessing a part of my growing up phase, every single memory
will never be forgotten :)</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
Honestly speaking, I can never be more proud as a Zainabian.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Till
then.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-47038057815848292382016-05-12T01:36:00.001+08:002016-05-12T01:36:32.936+08:00Giving it backPeace be upon you :) <br />
<br />
Today, I was randomly reading articles from the internet and I stumbled upon this one topic about giving and receiving. It made me think on how this two words rhyme together but they actually are two different actions that compliment each other.<br />
<br />
But does that mean these actions will both happen to the giver and receiver? - I mean the one who gives will he or she receive from the person that gets his/her gift and vice versa. I don't believe so :)<br />
<br />
I think all of us must have received a gift at least once in our lifetime and do you still remember the excitement and how happy you are when you have it your hands? It totally boosts up your mood and eventually you'll mark that day as one of the best day ever in your journal entry and somehow for me, when this thing happens - I would be telling myself that this person should be getting something from me to make it fair for him or her. <br />
<br />
If I don't even prepare a return gift to the person, does it mean I am not being fair? Actually, for me in giving and receiving, there is no such thing like being fair. Why? Let's get back to when we first decide that 'Oh! I <strike>should be </strike> am getting this fella a gift.' did anyone tell you that it is a must to do it? No, it is a choice. Indeed, our very own choice. So, at this moment we are well aware that we might not be getting back what we give from that particular person, it doesn't ricochet in that manner for some groups of people.<br />
<br />
Like me, myself that I barely know (I'm still figuring out, lol does that even make sense?), I hardly give people stuff like present or gift whatever it is that needs me to choose the item by myself for the reason that I am afraid I might be getting wrong gift. But, there are exceptions too. I do get people stuff, I do this 'give and receive' ritual. I personally believe that this kind of attitude of giving was cultured from the years of I've been receiving gifts. For 20 years of living, I've spent 19 years of getting cakes and gifts for whatever achievements I got and for birthdays etc. I still remember vividly the feeling when someone give me something, it really makes my day. <br />
<br />
So then I think, I've been experiencing the joy of being the receiver for years, why not this time I share and spread the same feeling to other people, preferably my favourite ones. I am so blessed that I am surrounded with people that never stop to encourage me. Besides my family, I have this one group of friends who would constantly ask me about my studies, my exams, my day - basically everything! As I could remember I have never gone to sit for my exams without getting any good luck wishes from these people. You would say that they are just wishes, nothing more. But to me, wishes are more than that, it is like you know there are people who are counting on you, believe in you so much and you cannot crush them with another failure. So these wishes that I received from my mates, I give them back, some to the ones who gave them first and some to the people that I think they might need it.<br />
<br />
There was once, I was wishing my good friend good luck for the upcoming exam (if I'm not mistaken) and my other friend who apparently saw my messages told me:-<br />
<br />
"why would you wish that person when you already know he wouldn't even care to send you a good luck text when it comes to your turn having exams and stuff? Don't you think you've wasted your time?" <br />
<br />
I did believe in her for a while hahaha well, I did expect the same thing to happen but as what I said earlier, what you give might not return to you in the same circle. The circle may break, the gift flows to another person and it probably won't be you. Same thing will happen to us, we might be getting wishes and gifts from unexpected people. Like when I have this university interview, I was hoping for some people to wish me but I haved other people that I barely talked to, suddenly came out of nowhere and wished me good luck. It made my day too even they are not the people I hoped for.<br />
<br />
Gifts can be for remembrance, as gratitude, as forgive me-kit, they can be anything :) so, we don't randomly give things to people. They might be someone who is really significant to us. You give according to how you placed this one person in your life and for other individual, each person is placed differently in their lives. That what makes us tend to appreciate people more, it is based on how we value someone. You might be my favourite person but for you, I might be just a common friend like your any other friends. <br />
<br />
Don't be sad when things just don't happen the way you want them to be. Circles may break. Afterall, did you notice that, we are never being forced to give, we voluntarily give. It is one act out of love :) when you love, you don't get to decide who it will be - it just happens. <br />
<br />
Have you heard of this one quote? <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"What a child doesn't receive he can seldom give later."</i></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: right;">
-<b><i>P.D James</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Afterall, it wouldn't harm you to give once for a while, isn't it? Good night :)<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-48371693819424428792016-01-13T01:10:00.002+08:002016-01-13T01:10:51.265+08:00Reviewing life (rofl)Hey there, peace be upon you.<br />
<br />
Currently I am supposed to update my CV and motivational letters and those stuffs concerning the university applications but I am so not in the mood of doing it, a lot of changes need to be done and yet I haven't gotten my lecturers to proofread the documents. Anyway, late night thoughts are quite rare for me to have it, so I somehow want to make a post about it.<br />
<br />
And whatever it is, *you may guess* it will always be about tomorrow (fast-forward to end of June). This year will be the biggest year; I'm turning 20, the departure (inshaAllah), interviews, travelling etc etc the list will go on and on and on and pretty endless. <br />
<br />
A bit scary, yeah I know.<br />
<br />
Each of us, we have our own future projects. A very organized, clear and precised plans. When my friends talk about these things, I realized something about them, about us. They're not like usual kids at our age, they're matured, they have plans and they totally know how to get to the end and so freaking professional. I am amazed by them and so grateful to get to know them, I must say that they have a big role in shaping me too lol the way I think now is totally influenced by my classmates and of course, the lecturers too. I never really care to think about world politics before, or even to talk about history randomly during lunch or analysing actions of the leaders - but now, it becomes something normal to be talked about. I would say if you're not up to these topics and fields, you don't really want to hangout with me and my fellow friends. Well, we do not talk politics, economics or history all the times! We do know how to socialize, my classmates play Dota, they spend hours playing videos games and the girls, we watched those ridiculous malay dramas and we do get updated about our favourite artists too. We are absolutely normal. I have a few friends saying that we don't have a life, every day is reading day, doing presentations bla bla bla bla<br />
<br />
We read, yes everyday but we are not studying. We are learning.<br />
<br />
This new semester is quite free for my class, we don't even have classes at 8 a.m. as all classes start at 10 a.m.or 12 noon and there's only 4 days of classes a week, weekend starts on Friday. We got two days, class finishes at 9 almost 10 p.m. but that's okay for us. Economics and business are fun subjects so we have no problem with night classes. Tiring a bit but our schedule is the most heaven compared to other engineer classes:D<br />
<br />
In my class, precisely my group: our lecturers are all male lecturers and I tell you what, some of them are good looking. I mean, at least you'll have eye candy for the very last semester hahahahahaha they're intelligent too and I don't know how to describe them. You have to attend their classes! *This case doesn't apply to everyone*<br />
<br />
I have a semester reading - we have to finish a book on mass media by March and submit an analysis of the book. Apparently, the book is really thick and the professor provides us with the PDF copy of it and for person like me; who can't handle reading something on screens - I might be having tough times to digest the content of the book and this will makeme struggle to write the analysis. So, we decided to get a hard copy of the book and start reading it straight away, well at least we can write something on the pages- it helps for better understanding and grasping the ideas.<br />
<br />
For this whole semester, we have a lot of research to do which means a lot of readings to be done. Every week we have like two - three documents to read and analyse, prepare questions and spend like an hour listening to friends' presentations, taking notes and everything. The topics are a bit tough now, it is no longer fun topics as we talk more on ethinicity, religion issues, wars, the immigrants and things like that. The worst part is we have to prepare 7 news of the selected regions for a press review, one person will be reviewing each week so none of us can escape actually. So everyweek we have to search for current issues and analyse, comment them and be killed by the questions.<br />
<br />
It sounds so hard but I think if you're positive and manage your time well, you'll be more than okay :)<br />
<br />
That's all for now, merci beaucoup tout le monde et bonne nuit :*<br />
<br />
<i>p/s: I am toatally dead today cus I forgot to bring my assignment during the discussion today but my lecturer is a nice guy, so I survived! </i><br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-60428920991723105112016-01-01T02:10:00.002+08:002016-01-01T09:29:10.521+08:00Long story short, 2015 the sickest yearAssalamualaikum my dearest readerssss :D lol (as if there's someone reading this)<br />
<br />
<br />
Just few more minutes to start another year, the year I anticipated a lot since I was 13 years old cus well, 20 sounds so professional, the age of maturity and "adult". I don't know why but I've always thought that those people in their 20s especially the fresh 20 year-old folks are starting a new phase of life. So, all I can say that I regard my 20th year is one of the important years in my life.<br />
<br />
Talking about 2015, phew what a year you've been! Full of surprises, unexpected things and lot of sickness lol. Everything was too fast, I couldn't even jot down everything that happened throughout this year. Looking back at my journal, there are like 10 pages only I've used for 2015. One entry per month. Totally different because for the previous years, my journals were quite full of entries, I even have two, three entries a day. Maybe I was a little bit free back in those years. So while I still have good memories of what had happened in 2015, let's just summarize 'em up!<br />
<br />
First and foremost, it would always be about my studies wooohoooo, Alhamdulillah I finished my third semester last November. I would say that this year is full of test especially language tests. I've sat for DELF B1 and aww yissss, I am a certified B1 French user. It wasn't easy actually because I didn't really pay attention to my French... So I struggled a bit during the test but Alhamdulillah I passed and that is the last official French test in our preparation program.<br />
<br />
Second test is of course IELTS. We're required to take this test (usually those who are going to France and Germany don't need to take English proficiency test) because we will be enrolled (insyaAllah) to private universities which most of the subjects will be taught in English, so it is just like in the UK and Australia. taking Ielts wasn't really a good episode actually because I had to take twice just because ScPo(the university that I aim to go) increased the band and minimum requirement for each section. The test was held in one day, three sections were held continuously for three hours and the speaking test was in the afternoon. Unfortunately, I wasn't sleeping well the night before the test day and I thought I would just be fine during the test but nah. <br />
<br />
I was so freaking sleepy throughout the test and yeah 100% focus is very important but I was already exhausted so yeah I screwed up. The result wasn't really bad actually but I have to re-sit to get a higher band.<br />
<br />
To re-sit the test wasn't free and the fee is quite high but I still have some savings and managed to cover it. I received (It's already 2016 when I wrote this) the results a few days ago, Alhamdulillah I scored higher than I expect. I couldn't believe it at first, I even refreshed the page few times lol but I am done with it.<br />
<br />
2015 was a year full of interviews too. I mean mock interviews which really had taught me how to deal with the real interview. As we've been informed ScPo interview will be quite tough so I was quite worried and nervous the night before the MOCK interview, you won't believe me that I actually caught a fever as I was too scared and sobbing over the phone, talking to my parents. But the interview went quite okay for me, the feedbacks were nice even though I did embarrass myself in the interview hahahaha well let's just don't talk about it lol<br />
<br />
Talking about getting sick in 2015, it was a never-ending issue for three months continuously. August, September and October - should be the sickest months ever in my life. I've been in and out of hospitals and clinics for these three months. Actually, getting fever isn't really a new thing for me, I get it every time I have tests, interviews or whatever that makes me feel nervous or scared. <br />
<br />
But in August, the fever was quite different and longer than before, I was on and off of fever for three weeks and then later I discovered I had photophobia as I noticed that I couldn't bear looking at something bright for more than 10 seconds, I always looked like crying and eyes were red all the time. So at that moment, I wasn't aware of the fever that I had because I really thought it was my exam fever but when my eyes condition got worse, I went to clinic for a check-up and aha got suspected for dengue fever. They took my blood but the to check the blood content wasn't working at that time so, I really thought I was okay. A week after that, I got rashes and the fever was quite bad so I went to hospital at 10 pm with a friend. That was the worst experience ever, lepas ambil darah bagai, I spent 2 hours waiting to see the doctor and another 2 hours for the blood result. Around 2 am, I got called and darah kena ambil lagi for kidney and liver tests, I didn't know what was my platelets reading but I was admitted to the ward. <br />
<br />
My first time being admitted. Ya Allah, when they insert the IV tube, sakit tu tak payah cakap lah. My friend went back to MFI cus it was really late and she got class tomorrow morning. Dah la first time kena admit, kena tinggal sorang sorang, barang tak bawak - I only had my purse and phone - credit tak ada, tak subscribe data, memang totally out of connection. Menangis juga lah dalam ward tu, mana tak nya. I think my condition was quite bad, three bags of IV drip and doctors came for blood taking every one hour. Tangan kanan memang lebam dengan bekas jarum ambil darah. The enxt morning, the nurse told me that I have to stay for maybe one more day but I insisted to go back home, so they let me out but had several follow up. Pagi lepas subuh tu baru tahu I had dengue fever so Igot scolded by the doctor sebab lambat pergi hospital. <br />
<br />
That was my second time getting dengue fever, the first one wasn't really bad compared to this one. Well Alhamdulillah, I recovered :) <br />
<br />
and I thought my sakit sakit season would end there but not at all. I still had fever for quite a long time and there you go, my first time fainting. To summarize - fever, dehydration cus I was fasting on that day (forgot to sahur and lambat buka puasa sebab ada kelas sampai pukul 9 pm) and hypotension - everything was black and white and the world was spiralling, I thought it wasn't serious so went to surau for Isyak. Duduk then when I opened my eyes dah selamat terbaring, orang tengah kipas kipas dah. Fainted and yeah to hospital we gooo. Dapatlah loads of medicines and wasn't allowed to fast in three months time. As usual, got back at 4 am and cried. Sakit sakit season continued for severe coughing thanks to haze, I got lung infection in October, went to hospital again. Yang ini memang I cried so bad because getting sick was very tiring and I couldn't do many things, I lost my motivations and all I could say, it was a very tough time. Throughout 2015, I had a total of 16 days of absence - all supported with MCs. WHAT A RECORD!<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg5ydAYP_ik3BbwnKXoBl94IB5zp9glv-YGK9k5SjFBNZttbT5_vnL6p1lkOWIQcqKvYz95whaHwBMvAvMPuA6uqBTAu5qoGbFKLEF6Ca__T7YRDul5SHp3DKt7YCj08_48RA5u8cwWIH3/s1600/DSC_0766.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg5ydAYP_ik3BbwnKXoBl94IB5zp9glv-YGK9k5SjFBNZttbT5_vnL6p1lkOWIQcqKvYz95whaHwBMvAvMPuA6uqBTAu5qoGbFKLEF6Ca__T7YRDul5SHp3DKt7YCj08_48RA5u8cwWIH3/s400/DSC_0766.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ward registration</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beds were all occupied, 'drinking' like a boss while waiting for my bed</td></tr>
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Lepas tu dah sihat Alhamdulillah ;) <br />
<br />
Take note about your health, jangan main main. Eat healthy and do some physical activities. Don't be like me.<br />
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But during the finals, for the first time in my life - I didn't get sick! Not even flu or fever :D It was an achievement for me hahaha hopefully this will stay forever.<br />
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Enough with this sakit sakit drama. <br />
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I really don't want any of it to happen again but I realized that I actually learned a lot from my experiences in 2015. I got to know people better because at times of hardships, not everyone will be there and what happened to me is that the one who was present at those times wasn't the person that I expected to be there. This kind of people, they might not involve in most of your daily life but they will be in the frame of bad days or whenever you need help.<br />
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For those who had been waiting for me at hospitals for hours (yang tolong hantar pun!) - I thanked you so much. I wish I could give you back all your time spent waiting for me. Those who got me food, gave me endless support, hugs when I was so down with the sickness and lack of motivation - you're indeed great people. I thank god for surrounding me with the kindest and nicest people. Also to those who spent their time listening to me complaining about my studies and everything. You lot are very kind :)<br />
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I spent 2015 with the best people that I could ask for who had made it, a remarkable year. I might not be talking to some of you constantly in the past year, but believe me, once I've acknowledged you in my life, you'll remain forever :)<br />
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2016 will be an exciting year, many of us are getting ready for our departures, a year that could totally change our lives. Whatever challenges we will have in this new year, bear in mind they will pass and we shall move forward. I wish that all of us will get to fulfil our new year resolutions, be a better of version of ourselves, a good servant and child.<br />
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Thanks for everything people, I love each of you even though I act like I hate you, trust me I have no reason to do that (sakit hati sikit sikit adalah, biasa lah aku pun manusia hahaha)<br />
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Last but not least, HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody and if you're reading this post, man - what kind of creature are you? Thanks a lot for wasting your time reading those bad experiences and rants, I like you lots :D <br />
<br />
p/s: I already got myself my new year gift, what about you? I'll share later in the next post about the gift :) Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-11123061963170480632015-10-06T01:24:00.003+08:002015-10-06T01:24:55.469+08:00Dragged down<br />
Today we sat for Political Science and International Relations paper. It was so tough, tougher than what we expected.<br />
<br />
And I didn't expect that I will be so freaking affected by it, right after the exam l, all that I could think of was about all those holy craps that I wrote down in the papers. Told Alanna about this and she was feeling the same thing.<br />
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It makes me think why am I doing this whole thing like whoa girl, you probably will be doing degree in Arabic now. I don't know what had gotten into me back then to accept this so called foundation in political science and business management.<br />
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It is very stressful especially for this particular semester 3. IR will determine whether you'll be good in politics or not blah blah blah the heck. These french ugh they're shaping all of us to have that European-oriented minds which for me, it contradicts to my ideas and opinions. They controlled us - our social accounts are being monitored. You publish anything that doesn't make sense to them, get ready to be called and be it a history.<br />
<br />
Am I trading my life?<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-28763311476534678942015-10-05T01:50:00.000+08:002015-10-05T01:50:08.916+08:00For once <br />
Just feel like writing here cus I don't know to whom should I be telling this.<br />
<br />
Do you ever feel like missing someone who is no longer here, someone who is dear to you.<br />
<br />
There are times you were doing random things and they remind you of one person who means a lot to you, separated by distance. Nothing much can be done but they're those dancing memories that keep on replaying in mind.<br />
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You hope that you can reach the one in mind, but they're nowhere to be found. Living in a different entity of fake reality, surrounded with pretentious walls.<br />
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Hope and dream.<br />
It may come true, be it happy ending or bad ending.<br />
You wished for it, but don't rush.<br />
If I am a keeper, a thing wouldn't be gone, but stays.<br />
<br />
But I ain't a keeper.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-3304909248412322212015-09-23T08:36:00.002+08:002015-09-23T15:01:39.786+08:00Level up, encore?<br />
<br />
Last night was the night that I might say, a night keeping up with the girls. I've been too busy since semester 3 has started and yeah I skipped a lot reading their messages because they usually are a lot like hundreds in 10 minutes. Ain't the type to scroll everything :P<br />
<br />
Most of the updates that I got from my high school friends are currently moving to another level of life phase. Back then in school, the thing that we talked everyday was about crushes. Those who went to tuition classes were the ones who will tell those stories. The stories would be just like, "Ahh, semalam **** ada dekat tuition! I sat beside him like OMG he's perfect, he even smiled at me ..." something like that. Basically those stories would be just about eyes-contacts, less than 1 minute conversation with their crushes and the list goes on and on and on... It is endless. I can't really imagine how the girls felt during those times because I am *proudly* 215% clean from having crush. But thaaat, is now a history. <br />
<br />
I realized that it is not only one of us, but there are several of us. These girls, they no longer think that having relationship is for fun. It is like they have a strategic planning of future inside their mind. I told them that I still can't move on from the days with the girls, but what they said to me that, we are no longer 17 or 18. Years of being immature, not thinking seriously, taking people for granted etc. We're 19 now and in few months we will taste our first 2-0 years. That "2" makes them realized that we have to take everything seriously. You can study and keep on studying if you wish for it but it is pretty hard to establish a relationship which you seek for a marriage in it- this is when I was like wait.. they're serious about marriage?! GIRLS YOU GUYS HAVE GROWN UP!<br />
<br />
I laughed at first because they weren't the type that would say such things but lol never underestimate your friends. I did compare my status to theirs. Laughed again hahahaha say what, I don't really have that kind of planning. Yeah I do have that specific "level-up" episode, by 23 - get married to whoever it is. That's it and but they said that how am I gonna get to that level up phase when I don't have anyone. <br />
<br />
To be frank, I don't think that we should force something to happen before its own dedicated time. The right person would walk into your life at the right time because basically he/she is the right one so everything will be right, no? <br />
<br />
Next, why it is so freaking easy for you guys to find that right person to match you, like it doesn't even happen to me. You just met with that person like for few months and now you're in relationship like whoa guys, that is so freaking fast like I just lost count on time. So easy to build trust for each other and yeah why it looks so easy?<br />
<br />
Okay this is what I often ask my friends who have boyfriends/fiance - how did you guys start it? Qu'est-ce qui c'est passe? What happened? Don't you guys feel weird like to tell someone that you like, Hey thereeeeee I just wanna tell that I like you so much, can we get together? Is it that straight forward? If it so, don't you guys have guts to say out loud those things? Aren't you shy? It is someone you like kot! I can't even talk to my crush 'cus I don't know, j'ai peur, I am scared. When you go out on dates, gosh aren't you feel like suddenly getting asthma or heart attack with all means of being nervous or whatever it is - you're meeting someone you like kot! Thank god, my crush is in different university, I don't have to worry meeting him or whatever as those kind of things won't happen hahaha last time I accidently met him, lol I couldn't even look at him and all I wanted to do was running away from the scene and guys, it was so torturing and awkward. How could you survive more than 5 minutes sitting together. I died right after noticing it was him. But, you guys are incredible, you guys survived and didn't die. Impressive!<br />
<br />
It is complicated though. The most important thing is how come you guys are so sure that both of you and your crush/someone you like have mutual feelings for each other? Seriously, I can't brain this. Are you guys psychics? You read others' minds? Whoa, now it is proven that love can do everything and it can grant you super powers! Oh yeah, mutual feelings. It doesn't even make sense that you know his/her feeling unless that person tells you, no? In my case, I am 100% sure that it is only me who like him and if this person gets to know that I have some feeling for him, I am pretty sure, without doubt that he would laugh and he won't even care. It would be impossible cus I don't know I'm not in his league though. His circle of friends are different from mine, he's a genius, sure that he got a lot of fans and I'm one of them, in that particular minority that he doesn't even care about. He is way more superior than me. The first time I met him, I hate him so yeah that's probably why. But on rare occasions, we do talk, having conversations which would last for 4 to 6 replies. You, I know you won't be reading this. No one can guess it is you.<br />
<br />
Funny right? But hey, just keep on the track. Having the right person or not, believe that the time will come. It might be someone else, not that person that you've dreaming for years or months or days or hours lewls<br />
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After all, this is a part of His plan and just have faith. Life can't be this fun if there's no secret.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-92076157111945719982015-02-03T09:33:00.003+08:002015-02-03T09:33:49.057+08:00How it has been for nowPeace be upon all :) waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute, phew. It has been a long long long time I haven't written anything here.<br />
<br />
Well, I tried a few times to just spend a little time to sit down and write. But it always ends with just an empty post for hours. I should really like have some time for blogging. To just write and let out everything so I could be me.<br />
<br />
<b><u>What am I thinking.</u></b><br />
<br />
Am I not being me? Yes... It is so stressing here! I am currently in semester 2 and it is just a month and I feel like dying already. Too much works in a time, you have two to five documents to be read in a day or a week and you have supplement assignment and these factual politics thingy to be memorised and an event to be handled within a month and lots of stuff are happening.<br />
<br />
I barely could enjoy myself. It does feel like this is a phase where I've never had in my life, I've never been this busy. I ignore people and most of my me-time is now dedicated only to do readings and readings. I don't do things I usually do. All my readings genre has been changed, no more romance novels, thriller or those stuff I used to read. Now, I only read factual-history-world-issue-economics-politics stuff combined into one. It is hard to like find the spark of enjoyment when reading books. It is no longer there.<br />
<br />
I ignore people. A lot. I only talk to those who are involved with my works and studies only. Even my friends who are in the same college with me, I barely talk to them. Those who I used to talk and joke around when I am bored are totally ignored by me. It's not like I don't want to talk to them,but the thing is I don't even have time to joke. Whenever I talk to my high school mates, I am the one who spilling out every single thing that I feel like burdening me at the moment. I wish I could talk to everyone like I used to do.<br />
<br />
Emotionally unstable. I haven't fallen for people for ages and yeah getting to be 18 and now I am turning 19. Whoa time moves fast and I can't believe it. I hate having feelings for people because it makes me feel vulnerable and somehow I want to be clingy. I don't get it why I am such weak to not be independent enough? Like those years I've been relying on myself not others but me and Him only.<br />
<br />
People really know how to knock you down, aight?<br />
<br />
Let's pray I would be good and survive the whole four semester!<br />
<br />
<br />
I want to skate. Bring me my rollers and I will be good. Trust me.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-79856909298008202062014-11-27T00:35:00.001+08:002014-11-27T00:35:44.611+08:00Of yesterday's dreamThis evening, I was packing my stuff. It turned out that I found this old notebook of mine in the locker. Specifically, the notebook that I brought here and there for interviews, meetings, shopping etc etc<br />
<br />
I am a taurus, okay. Notebooks are essential.<br />
<br />
It happened that I flipped through the pages one by one, reading again all those weird, messy, stupid writings in it. Not all of them are stupid writings, there are good ones too lol There were like 4 pages, all I could see were the german words, which of course I still remember what they mean.<br />
<br />
They are the pages of my unsung dream. The dream of being someone that I'd been planning for years and years of high school. I know, I shouldn't have these kind of conflicts now but you know they just keep on coming to make me doubt. I still honestly, sometimes think that I should have been doing thaaaaat,that that that dream of being an engineer. Ugh, to write it down the word 'e n g i n e e r' is totally hard enough though. Don't ask me why I am taking such a long time to move on from the fact that I am unable to live that old dream. Dude, since 13 - I had never been setting up any other goals than this one. None. Until this year, everything changed so drastically, it is no longer Germany but France, it is not Engineering but Political Science, not anymore Pure Science, Physics, Chemistry or what, it is now Social Sciences, economics, history, business. All the things are totally on the other side of the world that I thought I won't be living in . Never once I thought about France before, ended up now I have my A2 in French already.<br />
<br />
It is drastic change. It is, no doubt.<br />
<br />
I cried way too many times. From the first time until now, when someone asked me why giving up on engineering, going through sleepless nights during semester 1, losing appetite for almost a month because there was a lot to be settled, you had to sacrifice your needs. I lied each time I say 'I am doing all good, fine great, cool, awesome...' it wasn't it. I had the thought of dropping out this programme because it felt so hard!<br />
<br />
but, hey I made it through the first 6 months. Alhamdulillah. Only some knew how I was in the last 6 months. Horrible. To be honest, last 6 months were the phase that I had never felt that inferior feeling, stressed, down.<br />
<br />
It was hard. I still have to wake up in the morning and remind myself not to think about that old dream, I have bigger goals now. That old, dusty dream should be erased by now.<br />
<br />
<br />
But one thing that I learned is, I shouldn't have doubt the plans that He has for me. It is way better than mine and I shouldn't complain, right?<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-21464037929661180972014-09-14T18:11:00.002+08:002014-09-14T18:11:33.915+08:00Rant part 1<div>
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When I feel down, I would always end up spilling everything on a piece of paper. I will write everything I want to tell, and I am not telling it to the book, but to my God.</div>
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the book, the paper; it's just a medium for me to speak.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-63534986336274932062014-09-14T01:32:00.000+08:002014-09-14T01:32:17.563+08:00Stop, I need a break<br />
It has been like almost three months I'm here, in MFI.yeah, currently here doing preparation for Pre-France program.<br />
<br />
well, frankly speaking doing something that wasn't in my list at all. But Alhamdulillah despite of not getting what I wanted to do, I still got the chance to study abroad.<br />
<br />
Three months and I've been through a lot too. Didn't get much time to go online and write. Life never gonna be fun without the ups and downs. Too much ups and downs, I guess.<br />
<br />
And to think like that, I've always thought that I ain't strong enough to carry all these pressure. It feels heavy. It suffocates.I lost my space.<br />
<br />
I keep on thinking that I am losing every single thing that I used to have back then. Not to forget, I did once think to just give up. But hey, the path is never easy, whether I am taking the right ones or the left ones. The difficulties are there, couldn't avoid them. This makes me come to think why I am freaking sad about going through these challenges.Why dear self? Why so weak?<br />
<br />
Maybe. I am getting too comfortable with my life back then. Not having so much pressure, feeling free and I was surrounded with those great people.<br />
<br />
Or in other word, I am way too attached with what seems to appear physically in front of me.<br />
<br />
And when those things start to fade away from my sight, I am sad because I know I am losing something. This is getting serious, I long for something that can be seen and touchable so then I think I have them, they're here; they exist.<br />
<br />
Tonight, I sit down and finally able to talk to myself. Existence is not proven with physical presence. Of course! Air, tell me where is the air? Love, we often tell that we feel the love,we have the love but where is the love? Locate it, tell me how it looks like, capture it in a jar so that I can see. No, you cannot. Because existence is more than presence.<br />
<br />
<br />
I wish I don't rely on what I see.<br />
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Cus I know He is always there even I can't see Him, I supposed to feel His love.<br />
<br />
please, pray that I will stay strong. doing all these things because to please Him alone, for the sake of deen.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-58992294087206686432014-05-25T23:06:00.002+08:002014-05-25T23:06:53.410+08:00Frustration<br />
I had been wondering for the whole week. Why I am being so frustrated lately. Almost on everything. I did anything wrong or I was not satisfied or and or and or and or. It is just and endless questioning.<br />
<br />
So, I think I can't be in frustration all the time, it might make me stressed! and no way I am going to let myself become so tensed. You have no idea how stressing it is cus whenever I got frustrated, I become so hopeless, weak, I don't know how to fight back those frustrations!<br />
<br />
It is hard.<br />
<br />
Verily, in every hardship comes easiness.<br />
<br />
I noticed one thing in this frustration problem. After I tried to bring myself up again, I feel this you know this kind of 'I am strong', I can bear this even it is hard. I feel stronger and I can see things in good way like why this isn't for me etc<br />
<br />
It feels like you are having direct tarbiyah from Allah :) cus He is the only one who holds every heart. He knows how to fix those broken hearts.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-36321427876753832422014-05-25T22:48:00.003+08:002014-05-25T22:48:46.161+08:00I erase it and continue sketching.This is the phase where everyone talks about universities and courses and future undertakings etc etc and I admit that sometimes it is stressing just to hear people mentioning about that.<br />
<br />
But, we can't never run away from those topics. It is like a must topic to be discussed in one's life. your life, my life, their lives and no one can actually escape from this. well, there is exceptional.<br />
<br />
Back then, I was the loudest one to talk about future undertakings and I had this life plan of next 5 years, 10 years and 20 years. I was so detailed about planning my future, no doubt. I still have the 5 years life schedule. So, in the previous post I had explained how I erased all the plans and redraw it.<br />
<br />
Alhamdulillah, I am currently sketching. But, this time it is not that easy. It is getting tougher and tougher and tougher. I almost give up, yeap a few days ago but you know, the One who holds your heart, He won't let that happen.<br />
<br />
I haven't told anyone how actually I am feeling right now cus they just don't get it.<br />
<br />
and you know what, I am thankful enough as I was well-trained by myself not to spill too much to human. and whoever was randomly picked by me, trust me what I told you was like 5% only.<br />
<br />
the rest of 95%, you know Who.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-10634575633537508322014-04-30T00:46:00.002+08:002014-04-30T00:47:48.190+08:00Flipped over<br />
I had been wondering for such a long time.<br />
<br />
about a lot of things. If I am to list all out here, it would pretty long. I missed to rant over here.<br />
So let's get this straight cus right now, I don't really have a place for me to just like tell everything that has been coming up to me lately and yeah what keeps me away from writing it down here is I had limited time.<br />
<br />
What has been happening lately, well not so lately.. I already got my examination result and alhamdulillah couldn't ask for more ^^<br />
<br />
I'd made decision that no one could think of. I mean those who knew me before all of these things.<br />
<br />
and that is what I want to talk about.<br />
<br />
Decision, choices whatever it is you just name it.<br />
<br />
Almost everyone knows that my biggest dream is to be an engineer, to pursue mechanical engineering, engineering here, engineering there, not to forget physics always physics. You could got to any of my friends (especially my classmates), ask them how many times a day I talk about engineering in the class. Whenever people asked me what do you want to be, no doubt dude. My answer always gonna be 'I'll be an engineer!' I was so sure of my engineer-plan and I never think of any backup plans.<br />
<br />
So, I didn't have to think much to you know just like forget all my dreams about engineering and all stuff. It happened like seriously fast. This is the sequence lol<br />
<br />
1. I got my results. Good one, but spoiled two subjects.<br />
2. I was not and am not frustrated about my result. Yeah that's true.<br />
3. Those subjects, disqualified me from getting into engineering if I want to pursue in oversea universities.<br />
4. My sister suggested political science.<br />
5. I did some research about political science. Aha!<br />
6. Applications for scholarships were opened, and I was like ermm being formatted? Yeap, totally.<br />
7. I applied for political science.<br />
<br />
That's it! That 1,2,3,4,5,6,&7 things happened in a week. No. Not exactly a week, just a few days like two or three days.<br />
<br />
Don't be so freaking weird because I am totally confused with myself. Like what have you done to your 11 years of plan of engineering and all like in a few days you got all of them flushed right away?!<br />
<br />
I did. But not in the toilet, just flushed them away from my mind hehe<br />
<br />
But hey, I never ever say that I don't like engineering anymore, I wanna quit it right away! or anything that sounds like that. Still, until this moment I am writing about this, I still have greatest passion in engineering. I still wish that I could just you know have another options for me to study engineering. I hope.<br />
<br />
and for like a month and a few weeks, I had been avoiding any questions that sound like this 'You prefer engineering or law or what?'<br />
whoa that is totally a no no no question for me. It is just like a switch on button for my frustration mode? I kinda had sent telepathy to my friends warning them not to ask me any questions regarding my choices, okay? got it. right.<br />
<br />
and there was one night. I couldn't even think of this happening to me -.- Basically, a member of mine you know we just had a random conversation and suddenly opened up the topic of 'engineering and law' AHA! That was a restricted question! You shouldn't ask that at the first place.<br />
<br />
The questions he kept bringing up were expected ones but I was keeping this thing unspoken so when someone came in your way and randomly asking about this, you just couldn't hold it anymore and.. ugh I hate saying this. I cried that night because I just started to feel the regret.<br />
<br />
I know that anything that I am deciding on I should have asked Him at the first place and I did. No matter how hard the decision I have to make, it would be the best for me and I don't know yet about it cus we humans don't have our future written on our faces.<br />
This decision I had taken might be a surprise for everyone because in your right mind right now, you have the vision that you won't be seeing me with the title of Ir. or Miss Engineer. Come on, spare me some of your trust for the next step I am taking in. It won't be that bad anyway. Allah knows exactly what He had planned for me and we just know not.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj80DipwQmQcwJhaU8rwr_vKZepF-LlYI8KOm1NzEW2bBIetIEUnsfXIPnP3SW-b1_pE0c3Uwauaw4mUg2dCvRhAKg6chGyFhFCIH-FUigUCuUtsY1Qn4S-qOWTB3nOEA9a9KNDUmH8fO2s/s1600/2_216.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj80DipwQmQcwJhaU8rwr_vKZepF-LlYI8KOm1NzEW2bBIetIEUnsfXIPnP3SW-b1_pE0c3Uwauaw4mUg2dCvRhAKg6chGyFhFCIH-FUigUCuUtsY1Qn4S-qOWTB3nOEA9a9KNDUmH8fO2s/s1600/2_216.png" height="110" width="400" /></a><br />
<blockquote>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; text-align: left;">Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (2:216)</span></blockquote>
</blockquote>
<br />
I hope my member doesn't read this. Not even a word.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-12460122077147137172014-03-26T22:00:00.000+08:002014-03-26T22:00:46.808+08:00I was asked to give a speech and this is what I wanted to say.<br />
Today, my colleagues of AUEI Group held surprise party for the birthday peeps and I was the one who joined the conspiracy too as I am not the birthday girl. Mine is in May :)<br />
<br />
So, we should be in UNITY for lunch and I was lil bit late getting in there. So when I got in there and didn't notice what was on the whiteboard.<br />
But then, someone asked me to read what was on the whiteboard and so yeah.<br />
<br />
'AUEI GROUP, JAMUAN BULANAN & HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO - Nik, Hah, A. Duan + Congratulation Nurul - SPM 9A'<br />
<br />
and I was jaw-dropped. Didn't expect that it was also a surprise for me. There's only one thing I could say,<br />
<br />
I am happy. Totally happy.<br />
<br />
and then, they suddenly asked those birthday peeps to give some speech. and I was like kinda relieved as I thought I didn't have to do so but then I was the one who kick the party started.<br />
<br />
They asked me to give a speech and I was so surprised and that wasn't good for me. because when I am surprised and being too happy, I would be at loss of words.<br />
<br />
'Thank you. hehehe Thank you.'<br />
<br />
I said that. Nothing much but thanking them, not even giving salam -,-<br />
<br />
But, if they could and ever find this. This is what I really want to say today, if my tongue wasn't frozen.<br />
<br />
Dear Colleagues,<br />
Assalamualaikum wbt. I wanna thank all of you guys for this surprise. Even though I've been here just for a few months. These things are very nice and thank you so much. It feels great to learn something I'd never known before and being around all of you, it feels like family. I am grateful enough and thank you so much :)<br />
<br />
<br />
This is what I wanted to say.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-45682450394413925782014-02-12T00:02:00.002+08:002014-02-12T00:03:52.514+08:00A quest for self.It is already 11th February of 2014. Yet so fast. I just realized that January had just passed about almost two weeks. Yet so fast, I didn't even realize it.<br />
<br />
To say that I am busy is just unfair and totally wrong.<br />
<br />
wrong.<br />
<br />
Because I was not that busy. still am not. So, it is not a valid reason for me to use.<br />
<br />
Being in the second week of February makes me to stop for a while and look back on what I have done for the whole month of January. Was January a month worth to be remembered or I would be like slamming off the door hard because of my regrets?<br />
<br />
sort of... the second answer. for me.<br />
<br />
I am getting older by every second and that aging process happens without me noticing. I didn't notice it because I was so into the fun around me. Having the thoughts of I am still young, long way to go, etc etc just makes me to doze off in the nightmares of life.<br />
<br />
I am somewhat and somehow once again stuck in this situation of me demanding for answers.<br />
I like it how I am stuck like this cus it makes me think about my whole life that I had spent. It takes me to sit down for a while and have flashbacks.<br />
I analyse those days, what I achieved, what shouldn't I have done, what shouldn't I miss and lots of questions pop out.<br />
<br />
and for people like me, that always be a such forgetful person, I noticed one thing. This thing seems like unimportant but actually it plays a big role in our life for every second of it.<br />
<br />
Being thankful.<br />
<br />
I admit that I am NOT being thankful for every second in life that I had. You just being so thankful when something crossed your mind and you go like 'Oh thank God!' 'Alhamdulillah!!' 'Thank you so much Allah for this and that and these....' <br />
<br />
I wonder why we get to say these words of thankfulness to Allah only when we notice the gift, the ni'mat that appears in our sight? Why about other small things? Are we not being thankful of that small things?<br />
<br />
I am pretty confused with myself. During those times of me having struggles, I barely hardly realized that it was actually a gift from Allah which apparently happens to bring me closer to Him. and why I couldn't even say Alhamdulillah, Thank You Allah for this... because in my opinion, struggles are not to tie us to the ground, hold us from rising up from failures etc but it is to repair, to fix the broken relationship between us and Allah.<br />
<br />
because we wronged Allah for so many times in a day but we never be the first to fix everything. He is the one that opens the door of repentance for us, still giving us the over-flooding ni'mat, the one that would forgive us for all the time.<br />
<br />
This song exactly describes how I felt.<br />
<br />
<iframe frameborder="no" height="450" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/133019668&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe><br />
<br />
<br />
Allah never forget His servants, so we don't have the rights to forget Him even for a breath.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/t1/1470152_579585532095721_935112250_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/t1/1470152_579585532095721_935112250_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Credits : <a href="http://umarmita.com/" target="_blank">Umar Mita</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-13194170776366913842014-01-16T00:02:00.001+08:002014-01-16T00:11:07.619+08:00infinity and....?I was in the office and it was 10 a.m. I realized that it is 15 of January already. A month had passed, Alhamdulillah.<br />
<br />
<br />
So back then on 15th December 2013, I started working at this one company. Well, just accidentally got the job. So much alhamdulillah, I couldn't even express my feelings when I got the job. Happy, scared, shocked etc etc all mixed up haha<br />
<br />
I am not going to rant about work and stuff because the whole one month, I had have learnt so much, beyond what I expected. Not only in context of work field but to be honest I learnt how to deal with tough situations with thousand types of attitudes and everyday, I got a lesson to remembered and to learn.<br />
<br />
In the office, I learned how those senior staffs communicate with clients and directors. They are professional but sometimes we just slipped away from the track and things are ruined. But,seeing in some situations in working field, there is a few things shouldn't happen as we are in a muslim community.<br />
<br />
Based on my observation. I travel a lot, I observe and I learn.<br />
and I can summarize it in one formula(?)<br />
<br />
well, mostly in maths we learn that infinity, even when divided by smaller number all that we will get is infinity. But when smaller number is divided by infinity, we will get zero.<br />
<br />
Infinity here represents as Allah swt.<br />
Smaller numbers are the dunya, the problems, the loves, the hatred, the wealth and all.<br />
<br />
we muslims claim that Allah is our priority but most of the times, I see people dropping it by the roadside. They are slowly picking up smaller things of the dunya and put it above Allah. We might be thinking that we get to solve all our problems and we can stay cool for the next hours and days. But, that what we think. Does it really end like what we think?<br />
<br />
It is not.<br />
<br />
Eh, why?<br />
<br />
Because you had just placed Allah below everything that should never be placed there. In everything, we should remember that Allah is our number one, first and foremost priority not other stuff. When we place Allah at the right place, inshaAllah, all those things that keep on burdening us will be solved.<br />
<br />
Buzz Lightyear always says this, 'To the infinity and beyond!'<br />
<br />
What if, 'For the Infinity(Allah swt) and beyond!<br />
<br />
For the sake of Allah, and everything beyond what we expected will turn to us :)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-33834816420644021802013-12-06T13:25:00.002+08:002013-12-06T15:45:20.740+08:00Another gift :)<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">It has been
one year. I thought I would never have any boost up gift from Him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">That one
year was a tough period. I was dealing to fight for the exam, the very one that
will let me to have my own ticket to get on the next train to travel. I dealt
with myself, finding its own way back, tracking the path that had been covered
by piles of dust that I might just missed of one of them. Still, never could I
find the end of the path because it is endless. Even when I breathe the last
breath, it is not ending. Eventually, it is getting started, the eternity of
life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">In that
period, I had to balance both. My soul was demanding for feed. I, myself need
the knowledge it has been hungered for. I had no idea how the struggles were
and how I got through them. All I could remember are the almost-giving-up
moments, sighs, cries and silent screams. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">My sister,
she gave me a book, well actually a diary. But a diary is not supposed to be
only diary; I made it as my journal, more like a notebook. It is not private. I
shifted my life as I had my U-turn at the turning points back then in 2012. And
every single of the days was different. Got back to Al- Quran and tried to
understand more the hadiths that I learned. She gave me a book, the one that
people are still searching for, rare to be found in Malaysia; Reclaim Your
Heart by Yasmin Mogahed. It is not just a book, but a manual to fish back the
upset, lost and dehydrated heart and cherish it with lots and lots of love from
Rabb. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Back then, I
never feel like the love from Allah was surrounding me and I thought that I
fought for life alone, just being accompanied by people who weren’t feeling the
same like me. But, one will never know what Allah has planned for one’s soul.
After 16 years of being totally at halt, I was awakened by ‘heart need’. It was when my heart was at lost, I felt
completely empty and I could not tell which one was the real pain and which was
the real joy. I thought of myself, the purposes of me being here and what the
things I should have done. At that point I started to look for answers, looked
deep into myself. I tried to figure out what was the thing my heart screamed
for? You know, the pain was indescribable. You look like normal on the outside
but it was aching all over your body and your nerves were about to explode. The
heart was like grieving and it could not be expressed it words.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">I wrote how
I found the answers <a href="http://awwasalwa.blogspot.com/2012/12/ku-beri-jawapan-i-give-you-answer.html" target="_blank">here</a>. You may check it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">In the
meantime of discovering the path, I did not get to hold on the rope tightly,
sometimes I slipped. Alhamdulillah, Allah has granted people to stand beside me
and they are the ones who remind me which path to take and avoid. We all moved
together, trying to help each other. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">I think
because I don’t really listen to people (back then) that is why I quickly
learnt from songs, from observations and readings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Alhamdulillah,
I am still on the track, hoping for no turning back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Allah, He
gave me, us one priceless lesson. After a year, during the exam, I was sort of
despairing and started to play around and do nothing. I was in need of what I
got last year, something to boost me up. So I asked from Him, a gift to heal my
heart, to feed my soul, to fix back my intention.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">He gave me a
good lesson; Sehidmizi Ahmad Ammar bin Ahmad Azam (May Allah have mercy upon
him)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">A young guy
that I have never known before had made my jealous level to rise above than its
limit. He and his journey had totally made my eyes wide opened to see there is
still far away ahead. I never ever had been jealous over any person this bad; I
could not even see his videos again and again, reading articles about him and
any posts from his friends and his parents. I had tremendous Goosebumps in me
and enough to bring tears to well up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">He is the
one that Allah has given to me as another wake up call. For me to cherish back
and know that there is still hope. Allah has never moved an inch from me, but
it only me who would move away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">I know that
it would be more up’s and down’s coming interrupting, and that is the condition
of our iman, the people. Just gotta try the best to keep it in the best
condition.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">How I wished
that I could meet all those people who Allah had made to be the ones that
deliver His messages to me. Just to thank them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Credits: <a href="http://www.umarmita.com/" target="_blank">Umar Mita</a></span></td></tr>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Allahurabbi.
Wahasytini.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8107731601090061480.post-76231712689969824242013-12-06T13:23:00.002+08:002013-12-06T13:33:44.924+08:00Test Reflection<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">It has been
like 3 days after I had finished sitting for SPM, Alhamdulillah. As usual,
everyone would be like telling the same, the exam was so freaking hard etc.
Yeah, I agree with that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">To be
sitting the exam myself, well after years of waiting, seeing my sisters and
brothers and seniors passed it were a great experience. In like 3 weeks, I had
just learnt a few simple yet important things in life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Frankly
speaking, at first, I thought it would be a true examination without question
leakages, spot questions; you name it. Seriously, I was so eager to see that
none of these things happen. But it was just hopeless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">I never
really care if others got involved in this case, but not when my own friends
also got in trouble.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">It feels
like you had failed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Well, every
night starting from the first night before Malay Language paper, all of us
prayed together and had the best laughs instead of being nervous about tomorrow
(the nervousness just won’t help haha). I still remember, we sat together and I
told myself and them to tajdid our ni’ah(intentions), why we are taking this
exam and what do we want out of striving really hard. I was hoping that all of
us remembered this and never ever got the wrong intentions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">So, we were
doing right. But when it started to have leakages here and there, I just know
that it is considered as I am cheating if I ever get involved in this case. A
serious cheating ‘cause you not only cheat yourself, but the teachers, the
parents and all of the people that were having hopes on you. What matter the
most is, you cheat Allah. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">I thought
that we would never get involved but who knows. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Every time
when someone would tell that she got leaked questions, some would like stand up
and warned all of us. We should have
always being reminded by others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">‘Stop taking
those stuffs. Bila lagi nak be confident of yourselves and prove your own
ability?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">And I just
could not stop that from coming and hit us so hard in the middle of the way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">But, Allah
is just fair. He helped me, if He did not moved my heart to go home, I will
never ever be guilty-free. It was the
moment when you realized that you have grabbed a lift just before you sink.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Credits: <a href="http://www.umarmita.com/" target="_blank">Umar Mita</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">For me, SPM
in another view is not just an intelligence –based examination. It was more
than that. When all of us has came to the age of 17 years old, in the end of
the year we would be tested in an examination, to test our intelligence; maybe
how far we had understood what had been taught for years and to test our
honesty. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">It would be
like thousands of bullets come hitting you from all directions and boundaries
that would just make you feel giving up and take the shortcuts. In gripping
your own, very own success, there would be no shortcuts. It is either you take
the long way or play it safe. In
driving, we should take shortcuts because it is not cheating! But in exams, those shortcuts are so
wrong. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">For me, as I
reflected on what had happened and on what people had told me, what you did
before, during and after the exam contributes in the results.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">SPM is
mostly about learning. In learning, we have learners, teachers, the givers and
the receivers. So, the barakah really plays a big role in here. I remembered
once my teacher had told me about barakah, the blessings in learning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Imam
Ghazali, he was a good student. One day he went to class a little bit late. So,
he studied and listened well to the teacher but he found that it was so hard to
understand what was being taught about and nothing he could focus on that day.
So he asked someone about that (I could not remember who was it), why was that
happening to him? That person told that he had hurt his teacher’s feeling by,
coming to class late; he had distracted the teacher and students’ focus. When
he opened his book and the sound of turning pages distracted them once again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">That
totally, truly shows how it is important barakah in learning. Imam Ghazali is
such an obedient man; he is an Imam, the founder of mazhab Ghazali. But, we are
the no one, with such attitude. We must have been hurting our teachers so much
and never really care about the barakah. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Maybe it had
happened for some of us and just could not say, ‘It is already happening so
don’t think too much. ’ You can forget it just when you fix and mend it. But
what should I fix? The papers had been
already sent to everywhere and we just could not ask the old days to rewind and
replay. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Fix it
through Allah. Ask for His forgiveness and blessings. Fix your heart, never to
do the same mistakes again. That is the way how to fix it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">It has come
to the end but not the end of the journey. Just a lot more to learn, to give
and to take. May Allah bless you </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">J</span></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02630952074968975084noreply@blogger.com0