December 06, 2013

Test Reflection

It has been like 3 days after I had finished sitting for SPM, Alhamdulillah. As usual, everyone would be like telling the same, the exam was so freaking hard etc. Yeah, I agree with that.

To be sitting the exam myself, well after years of waiting, seeing my sisters and brothers and seniors passed it were a great experience. In like 3 weeks, I had just learnt a few simple yet important things in life.

Frankly speaking, at first, I thought it would be a true examination without question leakages, spot questions; you name it. Seriously, I was so eager to see that none of these things happen. But it was just hopeless.
I never really care if others got involved in this case, but not when my own friends also got in trouble.
It feels like you had failed.

Well, every night starting from the first night before Malay Language paper, all of us prayed together and had the best laughs instead of being nervous about tomorrow (the nervousness just won’t help haha). I still remember, we sat together and I told myself and them to tajdid our ni’ah(intentions), why we are taking this exam and what do we want out of striving really hard. I was hoping that all of us remembered this and never ever got the wrong intentions.

So, we were doing right. But when it started to have leakages here and there, I just know that it is considered as I am cheating if I ever get involved in this case. A serious cheating ‘cause you not only cheat yourself, but the teachers, the parents and all of the people that were having hopes on you. What matter the most is, you cheat Allah.

I thought that we would never get involved but who knows.

Every time when someone would tell that she got leaked questions, some would like stand up and warned all of us.  We should have always being reminded by others.

‘Stop taking those stuffs. Bila lagi nak be confident of yourselves and prove your own ability?’

And I just could not stop that from coming and hit us so hard in the middle of the way.

But, Allah is just fair. He helped me, if He did not moved my heart to go home, I will never ever be guilty-free.  It was the moment when you realized that you have grabbed a lift just before you sink.

Credits: Umar Mita

For me, SPM in another view is not just an intelligence –based examination. It was more than that. When all of us has came to the age of 17 years old, in the end of the year we would be tested in an examination, to test our intelligence; maybe how far we had understood what had been taught for years and to test our honesty. 

It would be like thousands of bullets come hitting you from all directions and boundaries that would just make you feel giving up and take the shortcuts. In gripping your own, very own success, there would be no shortcuts. It is either you take the long way or play it safe.  In driving, we should take shortcuts because it is not cheating!  But in exams, those shortcuts are so wrong. 

For me, as I reflected on what had happened and on what people had told me, what you did before, during and after the exam contributes in the results.

SPM is mostly about learning. In learning, we have learners, teachers, the givers and the receivers. So, the barakah really plays a big role in here. I remembered once my teacher had told me about barakah, the blessings in learning.

Imam Ghazali, he was a good student. One day he went to class a little bit late. So, he studied and listened well to the teacher but he found that it was so hard to understand what was being taught about and nothing he could focus on that day. So he asked someone about that (I could not remember who was it), why was that happening to him? That person told that he had hurt his teacher’s feeling by, coming to class late; he had distracted the teacher and students’ focus. When he opened his book and the sound of turning pages distracted them once again.

That totally, truly shows how it is important barakah in learning. Imam Ghazali is such an obedient man; he is an Imam, the founder of mazhab Ghazali. But, we are the no one, with such attitude. We must have been hurting our teachers so much and never really care about the barakah.

Maybe it had happened for some of us and just could not say, ‘It is already happening so don’t think too much. ’ You can forget it just when you fix and mend it. But what should I fix?  The papers had been already sent to everywhere and we just could not ask the old days to rewind and replay.

Fix it through Allah. Ask for His forgiveness and blessings. Fix your heart, never to do the same mistakes again. That is the way how to fix it.

It has come to the end but not the end of the journey. Just a lot more to learn, to give and to take. May  Allah bless you J