February 12, 2014

A quest for self.

It is already 11th February of 2014. Yet so fast. I just realized that January had just passed about almost two weeks. Yet so fast, I didn't even realize it.

To say that I am busy is just unfair and totally wrong.


Because I was not that busy. still am not. So, it is not a valid reason for me to use.

Being in the second week of February makes me to stop for a while and look back on what I have done for the whole month of January. Was January a month worth to be remembered or I would be like slamming off the door hard because of my regrets?

sort of... the second answer. for me.

I am getting older by every second and that aging process happens without me noticing. I didn't notice it because I was so into the fun around me. Having the thoughts of I am still young, long way to go, etc etc just makes me to doze off in the nightmares of life.

I am somewhat and somehow once again stuck in this situation of me demanding for answers.
I like it how I am stuck like this cus it makes me think about my whole life that I had spent. It takes me to sit down for a while and have flashbacks.
I analyse those days, what I achieved, what shouldn't I have done, what shouldn't I miss and lots of questions pop out.

and for people like me, that always be a such forgetful person, I noticed one thing. This thing seems like unimportant but actually it plays a big role in our life for every second of it.

Being thankful.

I admit that I am NOT being thankful for every second in life that I had. You just being so thankful when something crossed your mind and you go like 'Oh thank God!' 'Alhamdulillah!!' 'Thank you so much Allah for this and that and these....'

I wonder why we get to say these words of thankfulness to Allah only when we notice the gift, the ni'mat that appears in our sight? Why about other small things? Are we not being thankful of that small things?

I am pretty confused with myself. During those times of me having struggles, I barely hardly realized that it was actually a gift from Allah which apparently happens to bring me closer to Him. and why I couldn't even say Alhamdulillah, Thank You Allah for this... because in my opinion, struggles are not to tie us to the ground, hold us from rising up from failures etc but it is to repair, to fix the broken relationship between us and Allah.

because we wronged Allah for so many times in a day but we never be the first to fix everything. He is the one that opens the door of repentance for us, still giving us the over-flooding ni'mat, the one that would forgive us for all the time.

This song exactly describes how I felt.

Allah never forget His servants, so we don't have the rights to forget Him even for a breath.

Credits : Umar Mita