February 03, 2015

How it has been for now

Peace be upon all :) waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute, phew. It has been a long long long time I haven't written anything here.

Well, I tried a few times to just spend a little time to sit down and write. But it always ends with just an empty post for hours. I should really like have some time for blogging. To just write and let out everything so I could be me.

What am I thinking.

Am I not being me? Yes... It is so stressing here! I am currently in semester 2 and it is just a month and I feel like dying already. Too much works in a time, you have two to five documents to be read in a day or a week and you have supplement assignment and these factual politics thingy to be memorised and an event to be handled within a month and lots of stuff are happening.

I barely could enjoy myself. It does feel like this is a phase where I've never had in my life, I've never been this busy. I ignore people and most of my me-time is now dedicated only to do readings and readings. I don't do things I usually do. All my readings genre has been changed, no more romance novels, thriller or those stuff I used to read. Now, I only read factual-history-world-issue-economics-politics stuff combined into one. It is hard to like find the spark of enjoyment when reading books. It is no longer there.

I ignore people. A lot. I only talk to those who are involved with my works and studies only. Even my friends who are in the same college with me, I barely talk to them. Those who I used to talk and joke around when I am bored are totally ignored by me. It's not like I don't want to talk to them,but the thing is I don't even have time to joke. Whenever I talk to my high school mates, I am the one who spilling out every single thing that I feel like burdening me at the moment. I wish I could talk to everyone like I used to do.

Emotionally unstable. I haven't fallen for people for ages and yeah getting to be 18 and now I am turning 19. Whoa time moves fast and I can't believe it. I hate having feelings for people because it makes me feel vulnerable and somehow I want to be clingy. I don't get it why I am such weak to not be independent enough? Like those years I've been relying on myself not others but me and Him only.

People really know how to knock you down, aight?

Let's pray I would be good and survive the whole four semester!

I want to skate. Bring me my rollers and I will be good. Trust me.