I had been wondering for such a long time.
about a lot of things. If I am to list all out here, it would pretty long. I missed to rant over here.
So let's get this straight cus right now, I don't really have a place for me to just like tell everything that has been coming up to me lately and yeah what keeps me away from writing it down here is I had limited time.
What has been happening lately, well not so lately.. I already got my examination result and alhamdulillah couldn't ask for more ^^
I'd made decision that no one could think of. I mean those who knew me before all of these things.
and that is what I want to talk about.
Decision, choices whatever it is you just name it.
Almost everyone knows that my biggest dream is to be an engineer, to pursue mechanical engineering, engineering here, engineering there, not to forget physics always physics. You could got to any of my friends (especially my classmates), ask them how many times a day I talk about engineering in the class. Whenever people asked me what do you want to be, no doubt dude. My answer always gonna be 'I'll be an engineer!' I was so sure of my engineer-plan and I never think of any backup plans.
So, I didn't have to think much to you know just like forget all my dreams about engineering and all stuff. It happened like seriously fast. This is the sequence lol
1. I got my results. Good one, but spoiled two subjects.
2. I was not and am not frustrated about my result. Yeah that's true.
3. Those subjects, disqualified me from getting into engineering if I want to pursue in oversea universities.
4. My sister suggested political science.
5. I did some research about political science. Aha!
6. Applications for scholarships were opened, and I was like ermm being formatted? Yeap, totally.
7. I applied for political science.
That's it! That 1,2,3,4,5,6,&7 things happened in a week. No. Not exactly a week, just a few days like two or three days.
Don't be so freaking weird because I am totally confused with myself. Like what have you done to your 11 years of plan of engineering and all like in a few days you got all of them flushed right away?!
I did. But not in the toilet, just flushed them away from my mind hehe
But hey, I never ever say that I don't like engineering anymore, I wanna quit it right away! or anything that sounds like that. Still, until this moment I am writing about this, I still have greatest passion in engineering. I still wish that I could just you know have another options for me to study engineering. I hope.
and for like a month and a few weeks, I had been avoiding any questions that sound like this 'You prefer engineering or law or what?'
whoa that is totally a no no no question for me. It is just like a switch on button for my frustration mode? I kinda had sent telepathy to my friends warning them not to ask me any questions regarding my choices, okay? got it. right.
and there was one night. I couldn't even think of this happening to me -.- Basically, a member of mine you know we just had a random conversation and suddenly opened up the topic of 'engineering and law' AHA! That was a restricted question! You shouldn't ask that at the first place.
The questions he kept bringing up were expected ones but I was keeping this thing unspoken so when someone came in your way and randomly asking about this, you just couldn't hold it anymore and.. ugh I hate saying this. I cried that night because I just started to feel the regret.
I know that anything that I am deciding on I should have asked Him at the first place and I did. No matter how hard the decision I have to make, it would be the best for me and I don't know yet about it cus we humans don't have our future written on our faces.
This decision I had taken might be a surprise for everyone because in your right mind right now, you have the vision that you won't be seeing me with the title of Ir. or Miss Engineer. Come on, spare me some of your trust for the next step I am taking in. It won't be that bad anyway. Allah knows exactly what He had planned for me and we just know not.
Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (2:216)
I hope my member doesn't read this. Not even a word.