random thought

sometimes I do think that why everything seems so hard, the road is pretty harsh and I just want to rebel all the hard times and shout loudly,
'WHY IS THIS THING IS SO HARD?'

Whenever I saw people that had dealt with their past with so much joy and never regret about it instead they were hoping that could go back to past, why I never feel that way?

I noticed it that I am getting so so so so easily unsatisfied with almost everyone, I easily could find everybody's mistakes and I just feeling like throwing up at them. But no, I don't such thing.

what actually makes me to feel like that?




I had this super BIG gap between me and Allah, The Almighty which keeps me away from Him. It is me who walked away not Him, instead He stays beside me forever.

That gap caused me to be far away from Allah.
Makes me feel that everything is against me.
The gap ate my iman every time it gets bigger.
It makes me sink, fall underground to the dunya.

I need a pair of wings to rise up.
To erase the gap.

Umar Mita

For 2 hours

Assalamualaikum wbt :)

so a few weeks ago, I'd went to Perak, to an orphanage, to Bait Al-Amin. A place I had never been before not for the past 16 years of my life. One day that had changed me, a very emotional day, a day that taught me about different view of life.

and it didn't need for the whole year or one month, one week or even one day. I was taught by these kids for 2 hours.

This was one of my class big project before we end our schooling. We wanted for a class trip and decided to have something different and then we decided to visit an orphanage. Our mua'lim managed everything and we settled down with our exams.

18th April 2013. we skipped thursday classes and hit the journey at 8am. We supposed to arrive at 2pm or right after dzuhur but the it took 9 hours for us to arrive at the orphanage. 4.45pm - we arrived at Bait Al-Amin, Parit, Perak.

I must admit it, when the bus stopped in front of the orphanage, I was full of frustration, imagining the time we would have and started to feel unsatisfied. but then, I saw a few girls were watching us from their dorms. A few boys around 9 y'old were lingering and peeking at us. I started to worry about the time and how the program would be. Then, the real surprise was there. All the boys and girls from 9 y'old to 17 y'old were walking and talking loudly yet they were happy though. When I saw them, it felt like all the frustrations and worries and everything I felt just now had their wings on and flew away from me. It felt light and the most important thing was, I felt blessed. My jaw dropped *seriously I went like :O* 

so, the orphanage manager, Ayah Lan came and greeted us. we could feel the warmness aha! and we sat down for briefing and they let me handled the ceremony and at first, I went blanked out and seriously zipped my lips as I was afraid a little bit scared, THERE WERE GUYS! I mean boys that at my age.... well I got communication problem. with guys. I turned to my teacher and whispered to her 'ketar, sejuk habis ni..' she smiled and I just started on praying for calmness.

It went good, I managed to fight the shivers and shakes. We were paired up with our adik-adik and yeay, taaruf time! There were 16 girls and 24 boys and most of my classmates got girls and leaft me with two boys. I 'donated' one to my junior oho.

my taaruf session was packed with silence, just a question then an answer. It continued till I asked Farah to join us and pheww at last, we laughed together. They learned about a few games, we did too, we taught them how to speak like a kelantanese and we had trouble to speak perak as their words weren't familiar to us.

played games for almost an hour, it was about like 6.50pm, my teacher stopped us after a few times trying to stop the activities. well, we all got so excited as we were already bonded, from hearts to hearts, like siblings - a real siblings did. we had a photo shoot and high tea. 

Nah, it wasn't so easy for us to sit up and have our tea. Some of my friends already had their tears coming down on their cheeks, heart to heart talk with their adik adik. But not me, 'cause I actually didn't spend so much time with my adik, I was the director of the program so I kept on running here and there, arranging the groups and activities etc etc. So my brother didn't tell me a lot about himself, just a brief about his family background and study.

 

I realized a few things. These kids that we'd met, aren't usual people. They are something, something special. When I looked at their faces, they were so calm and you could see the peace or maybe the 'nur', well, something I can't word, there is no suitable word that could explain it. They are great.

They have different backgrounds, unexpected ones but they are very strong. They don't seem like the past is interrupting them, chasing them. Nothing scary written on their faces. They were happy and great. We all had our fair things with us, they lost the treasure of live. But do we all really appreciate our treasure, our parents at home? 

I had my fair lessons there and so do my friends. Better to say that we had...

DUSHHH! in our faces and shame on us.

to adik adik, we missed you guys so much. Stay healthy stay good stay cool. InsyaAllah, we will be visiting bait al-amin again in December :) Pray for us.

Dreams that won't come true

Assalamualaikum wbt and howdy?

It has been a while and alhamdulillah I am just finished with the first exam, three more to go in the next every two months, insyaAllah. I haven't been home for 'few' weeks.. nah, a just a few days haha

We all have our own dreams and some of us might have their own list of wishlist, some are relevant and some are not. But I had found out that some of us have this one unrealistic dream, which someone had told me that they wanted to achieve that dream of being somebody else.

There were a few people who came and talked to me and they were asking me all those stuff about my life, backgrounds, etc etc. Maybe some of them had noticed that I had been changed. I once told those people about how I changed and the feedback were positive, still then. Some were just like 'I wish that I got the chance to change' 'Thanks for the unrevealed story, I just noticed about the lesson.'

BUT.

They were who came and said 'I wish that I am you.' 'I want a  life exactly like yours' and they weren't just saying those words. They did what I did, almost in every thing. and they weren't being themselves.

What makes you to have that kind of dream? What did encourage you to be like another people?
Is it just because of something great happened to that person you want to be?

If you do dream to be like others, it is not wrong like 100% wrong. No. People are different and because of that, for sure our lives are different, never the same with others. Even twins aren't having the same life, the same feeling, the same experiences.

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلنَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقۡنَـٰكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ۬ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلۡنَـٰكُمۡ شُعُوبً۬ا وَقَبَآٮِٕلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓاْ‌ۚ إِنَّ أَڪۡرَمَكُمۡ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتۡقَٮٰكُمۡ‌ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ۬
O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted(49:13)

 Those who were copying what I did won't be having the same life like I did. Instead, they might be stressed of doing that as they are doing something that isn't applicable to their condition. If you want to be like that another person, no. Aim to be better than them. and believe that you can. Make that another people as a ruler - kayu pengukur or whatever for your new start. Set in your mind whenever it crosses to feel doing the same thing like other people;
- I have to do better than him/her.

Same goes to the appearance. There's a few people who when they watch people start to change their dress code and stuff they are doing the same without thinking the consequences. Changing the dress code to a better one is good and nothing is wrong with it. But have you think that are you ready for the change? Are you mentally and physically ready with what will you face later? Some people they aren't ready for the change yet but they have changed drastically fast. Soon, they couldn't even bear with the consequences of the change like critics and comments from people, losing friends and etc etc the extreme weather changing as when you are starting to wear hijab for the first time, it is kinda hot inside. If you are a new hijabis, it would take you some time to get used to the hijab and it is advised for you to wear something comfortable and light. It is not like you have to wear the long hijab with purdah or niqab or burqa as soon as you are hijab-ed.

we have to take time in changing and trying to be exactly like others isn't the best way. Do it in ways that you are comfortable with and not burdening you but still according to the syariah.

Believe me, if you don't stop looking for the gift that you'd wished for years, it will come in surprising and unexpected ways. Be true and have faith in Allah. He has planned every thing for us and the best plans ever.

Umar Mita

Life won't be upside down if you keep walking on the right path.