Diskriminasi hati

Istiqamah tu bukan sesenang duduk atas kerusi berjam-jam.
Hijrah tu bukan sesenang macam main lompat tali.
Mengubah sesuatu bukan sesenang macam tukar pinggan baru.

I feel nothing is see when it comes to my turn. But I know what's waiting for me behind all these hardships and this is just my limit as;

(2:286) Allah charges no soul except to its capacity. For it is what it has earned, and against it what it has gained. 'Our Lord, do not take us to account if we have forgotten, or made a mistake. Our Lord, do not burden us with a load as You have burdened those before us. Our Lord, do not over burden us with more than we can bear. And pardon us, and forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our Guide, so give us victory over the nation, the unbelievers.'


Bukan senang nak lupakan kegembiraan dunia but once you have done that, you'll know how mean the world is.
Hati ni rasa nak berbalik kepada zaman lepas yang penuh dengan keseronokan, tapi nak ke dekat sana nanti terkebil-kebil tengok kegembiraan mereka di syurga, tunggu turn kena campak dalam api tu?


Just being random tonight cus I am totally upside down, tetiba rasa macam nak balik jadi dulu. Allah.

Dear nafs, stop whispering.
Dear heart, have faith.

A blessed tragedy.

Lol, the title is sooo fancy seems like something serious to be revealed soon hahaha

 Assalamualaikum and may Allah bless us, every second breath is belonged to Him. What I am going to write is not a big deal pun. for the whole 2 months, ever since I have the hijrah thingy in my life, I dont expect any changes in me. Bukan lah I dont expect any changes at all but not the changes that physically nampak which makes people to feel awkward and sorta unfriend me or whatever it is.

Alhamdulillah, it has been 2 months after all since the hijrah and I am grateful enough, thankful for that. Cus I think I most probably have found the missing pieces of myself yang selama ni I was searching. It wasn't easy to find it, sometimes you were very eager, full of ambitious to figure out where you'd left the missing pieces but sometimes you were totally drunk in this worldly life and eventually you forgot to find the missing pieces. That was me and still how I am. I admit that.

Maybe people who didn't how I was before, let me tell you a lil bit.

Back then, I was a K-Pop addict (I AM TOTALLY REGRET BEING ONE). Yeah the one that perasan pandai cakap Korea, that kind yang tiba tiba jadi aggressive when it comes about Korea and stuff, that kind yang somewhat jadi ambitious to visit Korea or further one's study there and etc etc, that type yang sanggup berhabis duit just to buy those their idols' albums and secara tak langsung anything related to Korea is their problems. That was me and do take a note here, I am not bashing any of you guys, this is how I reflect myself being one of that kind of person.
I was an ignorant. I used to ignore people's feelings, situations around me anything that happening. Memang ignore till people feel annoyed sometimes. Heeeeee, sorry I just noticed this, my bad.
I tempted for world. straightly, strictly lost from the right path.

I don't really realized the moment when I had the intention to change. No. I didn't look for a change, I looked for the missing pieces. I must say that I have enough in this life, the wealth of what my family have is just enough even we're not like others, I have the education which never enough, I have the full of spices life but still I was feeling something was missing. I couldn't see what was missing but I knew that thing is something big. something that would has a big impact on me. The searching was so torturing, kinda depressing la juga.

In order to rearrange myself, I stopped listening to random musics, cut down my time on internet, I don't get updated about idols or what. Even so I went online, I only would view those blogs of my fave (I really wanna greet them and thank them in person). So I started listening to nasyeed songs again after a quite long time I didn't haha. You wont expect to find something big in it. and so did I.

I got my answer in that song. a nasyeed song yang tak famous pun, sorta. But this is my favorite song ever since I was in standard 5 till now.

"Oh Tuhan, benarlah tiada bahagia tanpa iman

benarlah tiada kebahagian tanpa Islam dijiwa"

 Tragedi Diana, Devotees

That verse struck me real hard. That was what I had been missing all the time, and I shall not tell you guys what happened then. Let's make it a history :)

Maybe, Allah sampaikan what I was finding through this song. then, it is all up to me where to continue, what to fix and bring things right back. kebetulan masa tu I was studying Hadith 40 and one of the hadith really did lempang me on my face.

(credits)

On the authority of Tamim Al-Dari that the prophet said:
 "Religion is sincerity". We said: "To whom?" He said: "To Allah and His Book, and His messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk". - narrated by Muslim

My own religion is sincerity, the nasihat itself but I was terhegeh-hegeh finding nasihat from others, boleh pulak tang minta advice from random people here and there. The advice was near to me, it is just me who had forgotten it. God the almighty had brought me to life and left me with the guidance but I was too arrogant. Guidance tu reti baca but never learnt from it. 

After I had a nice slap from this hadith, I turned to read the Al -Quran with the translations. 

 Surah Ar-Ra'd, The Holy Quran

Terkedu kejap when I read this ayah, I read it a few times, ulang ulang.

Just wanna get out from this odd life of mine, yang ah astray from the real purpose as human in this world, as a muslim. 

and it won't change immediately, like pooooff! Yeayy dah duduk on right lane. No. I need to work out something big, I need to sacrifice, I need to thrown my old self. I have to detach from this worldly ocean. 

I was sinking in the dunya ocean and now I am gasping for air cus in the ocean it is just too hard for me to breathe. I think I had drank like gallons of the worldly ocean water and my body was hurt of the sharp and mean coral reefs. 

and the hardest part of it is dealing with your heart. You have to refill, re-brand, renew your heart. to empty and detach the contents of it pun already hard and tortured enough. But, the result is worth. I somewhat rasa macam more carefree and tak terikat to any of world offers. just nice and you can exactly feel how to breathe lightly and the peace just flow into your body and life, and that is the moment when you can possibly shout, I FINALLY LIVE MY LIFE or whatever. 

I do hope that this will last long till the end of my last breath, I dont want to be pushed off from any cliffs, I wanna stay in the right path and just prepare myself for that day. Life is devotion to god, after all.

till then.

Forgotten Souls

 A dedication to Gaza.

The rain is forcing me to bed,

It is so nice,

That I hardly get up,

Not even worried about it,

Because it won’t hurt,

They tell me,

The rain is bad as it falls,

That they hardly fall asleep,

Their eyes won’t be blinking,

It rips the folks’ souls

They stand the rain alone,

As the world forgets;

Their giggles and smiles are cries and screams,

Once it is raining,

The flood is blood,

The mud is flesh,

A shameless world stand together just to see;

The death is joy,

The land is chewed and swallowed,

Till the last tiniest piece,

Missiles shut the screams,

It feeds the babies like a mother,

It sings the lullaby for a deep sleep;

For martyrs that never scared.

An arrogant world has forgotten the souls,

Tempting for fame and wealth,

Losing minds and hearts,

People who fears of losing the globe,

Chose to live in guilt.

Take a break and chill and read.

Why do the song ‘rain rain go away’ does exist?

Rain, rain go away

Come again

Another day.

I think almost all kids were taught this song, right parents? Even I am. Well, perhaps we could teach those kids something better than this song.  Teach the kids the du’a during rain, Allahumma soyyiban nafi’a. The rain is a gift from Allah, in different form. It’s not like in every gift from Him, there’s only goodness, no flaws at all? The money that you got has its badness. But do not take the disadvantages as punishment, bad lucks; you name it. It is still a gift in the form of reminder, warning to you to realize about the message from your god. That’s it.

It has been raining like the whole week in here and thank god, no flood yet at the moment. I am enjoying this raining season so much. Aha. Not being alone, of course..... cus I have my current reading list :D

Having two months off school is just like heaven for us and the routine during the months is predictable. Well, Malaysian students are easy to read. No lies. Their routine would be somewhat like this:

·         Waking up late, probably taking breakfast or brunch or maybe lunch (at this level it is counted as 2 in 1)

·         Watching tv, boring programmes – switch off, turn to internet – here , the internet would drag ones into a virtual life, they’ll skip eating, sleeping, working and ignores the real life for hours, critical period is 4 -8 hours.

·         Reading novels and tearing up.

·         Daydreaming

·         Hanging out at malls

·         Sleeping all the time.

I don’t say it is exactly like that, but most probably I hit one or two point right. I have my routine, but not so critical till I have created another life in the virtual connections. Nope. I surf the internet but I have my own limits, not exceeding it yet. Maybe for students that will be sitting the big exams when the schools open, their schedules are packed with tuition, subjects tutoring and etc. But chillax, when they got home, ohh babehh it’s time for me to onlineee.

Still.

Do I have something different with my routine? Kinda, I guess. At least, I am still sane not to sleep most all the time. I want my holiday is a productive one, not a waste. *but I still wasting 60% of it* So, I have created this one list – CURRENT READING LIST.

I am a bookworm, so I love books. I can read for hours nonstop... and there’s exceptional for textbooks which I can’t. It’s not books like typical-malay-novels (love, romance, full of conflicts, etc). I do admit that I read that kind of books long time ago but not anymore. I prefer to read inspirational, motivational, English novels – family, sisterhood, friendships, and religion books.

It would be awesome, to curl in your warm blanket during this cold weather and enjoy your reading with hot drinks and snacks. SO NICEEE... but nah, it is no good to eat while lying down.

In my Current Reading List (CRL), I got Aku Terima Nikahnya written by Ustaz Hasrizal and I have to close the book and put it aside, I am sorry T_T This is all because this!

Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed. Got this as a present from my big sister who is currently studying abroad, pray for her that Allah will ease her study ^^ Thank you for this greatest gift, I never thought about having this book so early after it release, never feel that I will be able to have this book with me now. I think Allah has answered my prayer, since I’d prayed that I will be able to read this book one day hehe.

I am still reading the first chapter and me already falling in love with her words. It is written in a simple English language which I think my little juniors can understand what is in the book, the message.  You won’t be losing so much when reading it cus the example of ayah that is being discussed is already included with translations and the explanation of it.

This book is about life (as far as I am reading now), our relationship with our god, love, people, things that we never realized the main purpose of it happening. This book is yet not a best-selling book, it will be one day and I highly recommend you guys to get a copy of this Reclaim Your Heart, even Aiman Azlan recommended the same.

If you guys think that you’re not ready to spare your time reading English sentences, line by line. Don’t worry! I will give you the list of recommend books, best-selling books perhaps. If you do not know where to find and having difficulties to get yourself a copy of these books, I can borrow some of them, schoolmates, my kampung-mates. Try to ask anyone around, who knows they have the books ^^

I would recommend you to read Hilal Asyraf’s books.

-          Matahari

-          Sebelum Aku Bernikah

-          VT

-          Langit Ilahi I

-          Langit Ilahi II

-          Langit Ilahi III

-          Sinergi

-          Takdir

The conclusion is, read all his books. No regrets, no doubt.

And and and, if you guys would prefer for online reading list, I also have maaa. The blog list of mine!

For more santai, lepak style with rules of jiwangness, you guys could join Inche Gabbana in his writing. He’s using simple, fun and cool language and the reading is light. http://angelwearsgucci.blogspot.com

To feel the experience of a study in Canada, catch up with Aiman Azlan. He got his word perfectly placed, seriously. A light writing tho and for more live version, if you want a face to face session with him, check out his videos on Youtube. http://aimanazlan.com  *click for more aha.

He writes books. He does blog. He does the videos. So he is, Hilal Asyraf. I got too many to describe about the website, so I skip. You guys can order his books here, read his posts and also other writers’, It is more about religion stuff and don’t take it hard when you first hear ‘RELIGION STUFF’ ignore the word, go check his website first and you’ll find something great. http://langitilahi.com

I read Hami Asraff’s too. Sometimes, there are bloggers who writes till we the readers can feel the tense, and pressure flowing through from the writer to his writing then flow into our body. But not Hami Asraff la. His writing is light, easy to understand. I don’t feel so tensed when reading his posts so why you guys have a visit to his blog? http://hamiasraff.blogspot.com

Those are most recommended blogs from me lah. If you guys don’t have your own list, you guys can try mine.

Anyways it’s all about how you spend your holiday productively. Make your holiday worth to spend not a dead holiday. Cuti ada 6 minggu and you spend the whole 6 weeks by sleeping and eating and once the holiday has ended, you jadi badak air with diabetes and obesity. Live your life!

Last but not least, all the best to PMR 2012 candidates, I wish that your effort is paid off kiddos! If you didn’t achieve your target, it’s okay lah. It’s not the time yet for you to grab the straight a’s maybe you have to improve and Allah is holding it for you not keeping it away from you, mind that. Look back in three years learning, maybe the effort was not enough for you to grab your dream, how can a bird fly with one wing? It needs a pair of it. The most important is, be thankful no matter what. Once you have the result, do sujud syukur as you guys have passed one torturing level, getting your results after the waiting kan? Do better in the next day, it is never written that you will never shine. Everyone shines, everyone writes their own history and that is why ‘the rest is history’.

Oh yeah, I’ll be away for a few days and maybe I won’t be updating so much, perhaps on twitter.

 Be safe and take care.

Hijab I'm In Love

Assalamualaikum wbt.

This is a random short post which I'm helping our sister - Oki Sentiana Dewi promoting her new book. She's writing a new book and this book will be a compilation of other writers' stories too. and YOU can be of of the writer of this book.

If you have the talent in writing - or not, it doesn't matter. It is not a big deal.

So jeng jeng jeng. THIS IS ITT~

Hijab I'm In Love

So here's the details that I'd translated it to Malay. well if any of us got confused with the words, perhaps.

Your masterpiece should follow all of these rules.. I mean guidelines aha!

1. Kriteria karya perlulah ditaip dalam format A4, font -  Times New Roman berukuran 12pt, Space 1.5 dan perlulah disimpan dalam format Microsoft Word.

2. Judul cerita bebas. Tema penulisan (Hijab I'm In Love) hanya sebagai tajuk utama. BE CREATIVE :D

3. Minimum 4 halaman.

4. Karya anda perlulah asli, belum diterbitkan oleh mana-mana syarikat ataupun dibukukan.

5. 1 orang, 1 karya, 1 kali mengirimkan file.

Ada 2 cara untuk mengirimkan karya anda~

Pertama, melalui email yang anda miliki, emailkan karya anda dengan subjek 'LOMBA' ke -  lomba@okisetianadewi.co.id

Diharapkan anda menyertakan file yang boleh dibaca dengan program Microsoft Word 2007/2010. Sila sertakan bersama-sama maklumat diri seperti : Nama, Alamat surat menyurat yang lengkap, Nombor telefon, dan juga Akaun Twitter anda untuk proses penghantaran hadiah.

Kedua, klik link ini (ganti tajuk "Curhat dengan OSD" menjadi "Lomba")

Diharapkan anda mengirimkan file lomba (hanya dalam format Microsoft Word 2003) dengan mengisi maklumat diri yang lengkap dan sesuai dalam kotak isian yang disediakan untuk kelancaran pengiriman hadiah.

 So, what you're waiting for? The deadline is just a week from now, hurry up! Spread the love about your hijab.

till then, jazakallah. 

Rethinking and fixing.

In the name of Allah the most precious and the most merciful.

Peace be upon all and may you’re in the best condition ever, insyaAllah. Even so, you’re sick, having bad lucks still don’t sigh, indeed say Thank you Allah for keeping me this strong to get through this hardships and challenges. Actually, the bad lucks aren’t a big deal if it is compared to what those Palestinians are facing. I’m very glad to hear that they’d won in the war between Israelis.

It is important to look back what you’ve been doing today, what you’ve learnt today. I was about to sleep actually but then, I had this thing stuck in my mind. Sincerity. 

I was actually watching Kuliah Asar on TV AlHijrah and the mua’lim was my favourite, Fadzli Aziz (one of the UNIC nasyeed members) and the topic was about Niat (read: intention)and the enlighten part was about being sincere in religion.

I found out that I am learning about sincerity today. Not being sincere to any other things, not your ‘loved ones’ – Haraam relationships, I mean. It is sincerity in the religion. Thank god my brain processed the information well – Why I keep on hearing about sincerity in the context of religion? Is there anything I need to know more?

Yes. There is a lot I need to discover, there’s a lot of things I need to rethink about the whys.

First thing that came up was what Islam actually is? What it is about? Why I can’t even say what Islam is in a breath if I am known as a muslim? It should be the easiest thing for me, for us to explain it whenever and wherever. I knew it if I keep on asking myself without finding the answer by myself, it wouldn’t work. I will never ever and ever to find the solution, the answer to that question. Never.

You have to be sincere in your religion – then you’ll find the meaning what it is all about.

Yeah. That’s it. Back then I wasn’t being sincere. I claimed that Allah the almighty is my only god but why I am being so thoughtless, so fearless in disobeying His rules, still committing sins? I claimed that I know my Prophet, Rasulullah SAW but I did not follow his sunnah to the fullest. I did not fall in love with Allah and His messenger. They’re not the in the fixed positions in my heart. Why is this happening? Allah should have the fixed position in my heart not even that He should own the top in every heart. I have them in the top places but I was not being sincere in loving them. Loving without knowing, how it’s gonna work?

When you got to realize about this, you will feel that you’d discovered the biggest lies between you and your creator. 

But I know that this is not the end like there is no way for me to repent, to re-learn about my religion, to renew my love licenses to Allah and Rasulullah and my deen. It is never too late. I am grateful and I couldn’t describe the feelings, when I had found out that He had dragged me to this path, back to his guidance. I am holding onto his rope again. He had mercy on me. Wallah, it is the feeling is indescribable. Now I am learning again everything about my Islam, my ad-deen. Prophet SAW had left us his sunnah and the Quran and we have the ulama’, the mua’lim(read: teacher) and why we did not use of it?  I love my hijrah and I ain’t regretting it. Maybe I will (TRYINGGG) to forget and ignore what world offers and strive my best for the hereafter. I did enjoy my teen life but not to the fullest as I have some of my time saved in the bank of happily ever after Jannah. What about you, having world investment or Jannah investment? J Aha.

Then, when I was studying hadiths, I found this one which had answered me –

 7^th Hadith : On the authority of Tamim Al-dari that the prophet said: “Religion is sincerity”. We said “To whom?” He said “To Allah and His Book, and His messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk”.  – Narrated by Muslim.

 

Till then.

Sendiri sendiri?

I will try my best to write a new blog post.. till the end of it. InsyaAllah.

Assalamualaikum wbt :)

Alhamdulillah - I am back in Kelantan after a trip to the Island of Legend (read: Langkawi) haha.
Saya tak pernah lalui pengalaman sebegini. Nasib baik saya dicampakkan kesana. seorang diri tanpa sesiapa yang saya kenali dengan rapat, dengan senior senior yang bila berjumpa, senyum pun sebaris, dengan junior yang paling saya anti. /grins.

memang kalau kira saya ni type yang ada communication/social problem, hardly blend in with new people. Amat payah, mungkin tu sebabnya sesetengah orang cop saya sombong. sigh. But, this trip really had taught me about that. Tak pernah terfikir pun yang mereka itulah yang saya akan bergelak-ketawa, yang akan bangunkan saya ketika subuh, yang akan berjalan tepi saya di sana sini - untuk tiga hari. Frankly speaking, I hated to walk with people - rather walking alone here and there. Tapi saya baru sedar, I never walk alone, Michael Jackson Yeahh! Ukhuwah antara kami terasa manis - yang mungkin tidak terasa dengan kawan kawan yang sentiasa saya senyum, tegur.

"الرفيق قبل الطر يق"

Friends before journey.

 Tapi bukan dalam semua benda bertemankan manusia. Memang, As in my case, I never had a heart to heart talk with humans. Sebelum ini saya tak pernah meluah kepada manusia, in future, well maybe, who knows? :) 

But please do find someone to have a talk, at least one person who can hear and lock and the stories, keep you calm. Saya tak meluah as I keep everything inside. Saya malu, seriously -,-

but not forever. yang terpendam tu paling lama saya simpan sehari. /I aint a diary-girl\ Dah terbiasa dengan cara sebegini since sekolah rendah.

Tak kira era hidup saya yang mana, I tell Him. Even back in my rebel-era, zaman saya tak ingat asal usul, zaman lupa diri, zaman jahiliyyah. Alhamdulillah I still remember Him the almighty. 

Saya tak malu mencurah perasaan dengan emotionalnya, sampai bengkak mata, berdrama-queen denganNya. Lain la kalau dengan manusia, sure ada yang akan komen  'Over.nya.kau.ni.emo melebih lebih.' But He is not like that. Even so, tempat saya mengadu ni senyap sunyi, but He's there for all the time.

I tell Him. Every single thing. 

Is there anyone who can just appear and listen to you stories and wipe all the orries and tears away at 3 in the morning? Kalau ada la pun, respond terbaik - Takyah nak emo memalam buta ni. even ada sesetengah mak ayah, anak yang menangis, mereka akan disenyapkan dan ditenangkan dengan tawaran istimewa iaitu kurung ditandas, lights off ataupun off house for a few certain hours. Ehe. orang dulu dulu mendidik.

 He listens the best and answers the best. 

 "And convey good news to those who believe and do good deeds, that they shall have gardens in which rivers flow; whenever they shall be given a portion of the fruit thereof, they shall say: This is what was given to us before; and they shall be given the like of it, and they shall have pure mates in them, and in them, they shall abide." [01:25]